Not doing well

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2004
Not doing well
2
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 12:59pm
I suffer from recurrent depression and since my boyfriend broke up with me 4 days ago, I can feel it coming back on. I don't know if this is another major episode or just a temporary thing brought on by the breakup. All I know is all I do is sleep. I can't eat. I try every day and I seriously cannot get anything down. My stomach lurches and I almost vomit. I've tried drinking protein drinks, those seem to be easier to get down, but they're not sustaining me. I'm starving. I no longer have any energy to do anything. My hands shake, I feel so weak. I usually lose my appetite when I'm going through a depressed episode, but never like this. I can't even sleep because the hunger pangs wake me up.

I can't afford a therapist. I just got laid off and no longer have insurance. Even if I could afford it, I don't know if I'd have the energy to go. I'm already on medication for the depression. This is starting to get worrisome. I've been awake for an hour and I'm already exhausted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 4:14pm
Depression is hard to overcome.... I would make the following suggestions (pick a few and try them). It's common for sleep to be the drug of choice when depressed.

You will have to force yourself to eat. Go to the store and buy some Ensure. Try soups and crackers. Drink tea. Keep drinking the shakes too. Treat yourself, go to a juice bar and have someone else make if for you.

Start jounal writing. Every day, several times a day if need be. Write about how you feel, write your ex UNSENT letters, vent on paper, cry, grieve, rage even. It's ok to get mad. Burn the letters you write to him. Then write about things you are grateful for. Then make a list of things you enjoy - reading, walking, swimming, talking to people - and promise yourself to do one of those things each day.

Get a used copy of Feeling Good: New Mood Therapy by Dr Burns. It will help you talk back to your negative feelings. Then make a post-it of positive affirmations - I am alert. I am happy. I am lovable and beautiful. Stick it on your mirror, repeat aloud 7 times a day.

Trick yourself - I can lay on top of a made bed as well as in it. So get up and make it, then talk yourself into cleaning house, taking a shower, or going shopping.

Force yourself to walk, run, swim, physical exercise kicks in your endorphins and will help some.

Also make a list of goals - short term for the day, short term for a week, then a month, then a year.

You are NOT less than because of any other person's actions, decisions, behavior or choices. You have to value yourself more than you value another's opinion. Happiness comes from within you, not from another person, place or thing. Without interaction with your therapist and meds, you will have to find the strength within you to put yourself first and fight for your well-being. You have to matter to you. Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. Be kind to yourself.

Also consider some volunteer work. Helping others (like kids on a cancer ward) will help shift your perception..... knowing someone is worse off than you are, struggling with something more painful that what you are struggling with.

My best to you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2004
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 5:00pm
Thank you thank you for your kind advice. I'm gonna go buy tea and crackers. I'll force myself to take a shower and get out and buy myself something nice. Maybe that book you mentioned.

I've been reading up on my illness and I understand now that the irritability and sudden anger wasn't me. It was my sickness. He didn't know how to deal with that, and it wasn't really fair for me to expect him to. I was angry with him for not seeing me as the nice, caring person I know I am. But the sad truth is, the real me was often overshadowed by my insecurity and fear. I will get therapy as soon as I can afford it, and work on controlling this overflow of emotions that hinders my life and relationships. That way, next time, when I find somebody I think is 'the one,' I won't inadvertantly sabotage it with my tongue.