There really is hope...
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| Wed, 07-07-2004 - 5:37pm |
I've been posting on the board since my bf and I broke up on Saturday night, and I wanted to share my thoughts with you all. The first two days were so incredibly painful, I wasn't sure I could bear it. I cried, screamed, layed in bed, unable to sleep or eat. I saw my future before me ripped away and crushed at the hands of someone whom I loved deeply and trusted as my best friend. The worst part was knowing that I had to be the one to say "no more" because my ex was too weak and confused to be strong enough.
Slowly but surely, the pain has eased up. My friends have been supportive, calling and offering their time and companionship. My parents, especially my mom, have been my rocks. My brother calls me everyday. And then, I had an epiphany! Now that my relationship is over, I can do whatever I want with my life. I no longer have to compromise on restaurants, movie choices, or what to do on Saturday night. I am free to totally be myself, in a way that I think maybe I never could with my ex. Colors, sounds and smells seem more vibrant. I have a hope in my heart that I could find a love with whom I'll feel as free. And you know what? I'm not willing to compromise until I do. Love should be about lifting eachother up and adding light to eachothers lives.
I want to hear about everyone's successes. Even if they are only temporary... they are so important on the road to healing. I know we'll all have bad days... but let's keep them to a minimum!
Tell me your stories!
Sarah

John
Thanks for your kind words, and sharing your story. It amazes me that I was so blind to the opportunities to connect to other people in the world while I was in my relationship. I neglected my family and friends... I made him the total priority! I just got back from a great walk with my good friend... we laughed and talked, and had such a good time. What an amazing change.
Like you, I was married before this relationship, so I felt like "oh no, here I go again..." but I realize that I never really healed the wounds of my marriage breaking up. So in a way, this is my chance for closure and growth. I really can't wait... the only dilemma is what to do with my life! I moved here to Michigan with my ex a year ago, and now I have a great job and friends that would be really hard to leave, but my family and many friends are in Seattle. I'm not going to rush in to anything, because I think I need time to grow in the decision making process. The good thing is, I don't spend every moment bemoaning my future... I see it as a sea of endless possibilities!
Congratulations on getting healthy... I myself lost 45 pounds during my separation/divorce. Feeling good about yourself is essential to moving on with your life!
Take Care!
Sarah
! i am So glad you are already looking on the bright side, recognizing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. and there certainly is!
my ex and i broke up about 4 months ago. these past 4 months have been unbelievably hard, so many things changed for me and its taken a LOT of time to rebuild and its a slow trudge but its an uphill climb nonetheless.
in the beginning i was miserable. i came home every day for a month and read his livejournal, re reading entries that were singing my praises, trying to wonder why he just stopped feeling that way. i drowned my sorrows regularly, and i journalled ferociously and i posted here allll day at work! (i still do that, its addicting lol)
i cried so much. i was so angry. i fantasized about our reconiliation to the point where i lost my grip on reality and would wake up some days with this stupid grin on my face, as if we truly WERE back together...its like im 22 and i was playing make believe with myself just to get through the day. i was screwing up at work, it was a new job and i felt really stupid. i felt alienated from everybody i knew and loved, like suddenly i had a sadness that nobody understood, that nobody could relate to and that i was in my own damn world.
and then...it just sortof...stopped.
if you're interested you can read my post "getting over him, and i dont like it".
my initial reaction to the marked absence of my ex from my daily thoughts was "what the @#$O?" i WANTED to fixate upon him, dwell on our memories, hold on to that sadness because i was afraid if i let it go it was almost disrespectful to my ex. but it just happened, without my making it happen, a little over a montha go...i stopped waking up with him on the brain. i stopped going to bed with him on the brain. i stopped needing to go to the bathroom and cry during work. it all seemed , and still seems, so faraway. and i think of him and its bittersweet, but its so distant...i cant seem to conjure any immediate reaction anymore. i think about him constantly, but its totally different from how it was in the beginning. its like remembering your old best friend who moved away or something (not the best analogy, i realize, but hey its been a long day)
and what have i done? oh man--SO much. there are several old threads on this board about "what have you accomplished since your break up" and they're helpful to go read--its inspiring how much we women have done with more time on our hands, despite being heartbroken.
i graduated college, started my first full time job, became financially independent of my parents, am moving into my own apartment (my name's on the lease, woohoo!) and im reconnecting with SO many people. im starting to get better and more adjusted to my job, and im making friends w/ my coworkers who are really great people. we go out to happy hours and hang out after work. in fact, almost EVERY DAY i do something after work.
hey, if your'e going to get dumped, summer is the best time for it, get out there and take a walk, get some ice cream, read, write, do something creative and artistic, shop, hang out with old friends, do WHATEVER YOU WANT. redecorate your room, see movies, go to restaurants, and rediscover what you love about being single.
although being in a relationship is lovely and rewarding, SO IS BEIGN SINGLE. and the better youa re at being on your own, the better you will be at giving and taking the next time you're with somebody :)
i know this was a long post but i hope it helped. pls continue to post here, we love to give and share stories and advice and this board has been SUCH a comfort to me this whole break up. its a virtual support group, when you feel guilty for whining to your best friend (even though she doesnt care!) and when you feel like your random daily thoughts are just too stupid to say out loud, type them here and you'll be surprised how many others are feeling the way you do !
good luck and stay strong :D
Thanks so much! I feel like I'm starting to know all of you... this board is a saving grace for me, like a support system right there for me! Like I said before, I know I will hit some rough patches down the line, especially when my ex comes home in 7 weeks, but I feel confidant that by that time, I will be much more secure in my independance. What an amazing couple of days! My whole life turned upside down!
What I am most proud of is that not only did I NOT cry today, but I actually sang in my car (Beyonce's "Naughty Girl", if any one is curious ;)
Thanks for the support!
Sarah
I wish everybody the very best and pray for us all! We really have the biggest and best hearts and should never be made to feel bad because we love so deeply. I smile knowing that we will all be so happy again!!
Thanks again for all of the love and support
Christan