Stop me from doing something dumb...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2004
Stop me from doing something dumb...
4
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 9:16pm
Ok, so it's been almost a week since my our breakup, and I feel much better, no more uncontrolable crying and screaming, and I'm finally able to eat. My family and girlfriends have been amazing, and I had a great day today of being by myself and really enjoying it!

So here's my problem... I can have access to my ex's email if I want, and I'm really tempted to see who he's been talking to. You see, we started a week of NC on Monday night, and at that time he told me he hadn't talked to anyone about the breakup, not even his parents. (He's actually away this summer for a work thing, and won't be back in Michigan til Aug. 24) I'm just wondering what he's thinking and what he's telling other people about the breakup. I know, I should just let it go and concentrate on me... I have lots of things to figure out before he gets back, like where to live and such.

I know in the end, it doesn't really matter if he's trust-worthy, he still broke my heart and took me for granted, so no matter what he's doing now, I don't want him back. But it makes me sick to think that maybe he's spending time with someone new or re-connecting with some ex or something.

Please help me! I know I should just let it go... peace of mind is a much better place to be.

Sarah

Avatar for deneeecie
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 10:09pm
You said it! Peace of mind is a much better place to be! PLEASE do not do something you will regret!

I made the mistake of doing that to one of my ex's! I couldn't believe it! I was devestated at what I found! He had lied to me saying he wasn't talking to anyone else and low and behold - he was!

After I spied I TOTALLY wished I hadn't and ended up with a total set-back!

STOP NOW before you do it! GET OUT YOUR HOUSE - TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER - UNPLUG YOUR COMPUTER - WHATEVER! DO NOT DO IT!

Make a list of every single person you know that you can call and make sure you call each and every one of those people on that list. After you have done that if you still have the urge - take a pen and paper and write out your feelings!

IF you still have the urge after that - take a piece of paper (which you should do now anyways) and tape it to your computer that says in big bold letters

PEASE OF MIND IS A MUCH BETTER PLACE TO BE!

Pleaseeeeeee don't do it! It's over. Let it be. Chin up - call up some friends and take care of YOU. By looking at his email - it will only set you back to those days of crying and anger and all that!!!

NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 10:33pm
I was afraid of this when I saw your earlier post about hope. It seemed way too early for you to have moved on.

Just remember, it doesn't matter what they say when they are breaking up. They will say what it takes to make the process easier. Before you do anything, you have to realize that in his mind, he is no longer in a exclusive relationship. To you, it has only been a week. But he had already gone through the process of disconnecting before he broke it to you. I know you will feel crushed if you find out that he has moved on. But that is a real possibility and if you look thru his email, you have to be prepared to face that. It has been my experience that men move on very quickly. My heart goes out to you, and I think that you should think about what you are getting ready to do. Honestly, you know it is over and checking his email can only bring you more pain.

That said, I know that if I was in your shoes, I don't know that I would be able to refrain from checking. But I also know that in my case I would have seen messages that I would have prefered not to see. Please think about yourself, and not him.

Lois

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 10:44pm
Thanks to both of you...

After I wrote that post, I started watching a movie to distract myself and then I talked to my brother, who is an awesome man and gives me hope that great men are still out there!

I realized that it doesn't really matter WHAT he is doing now... I am happy that I have the opportunity to move on. The only thing that really hurts is my pride... I wanted him to want me. But he is an emotionally crippled person, and no matter what he does with his future, he will not be ultimately happy unless he gets help.

The funny thing is, I haven't cried at all since Wednesday. This leads me to believe that maybe my feelings for him didn't run as deep as I originally thought. Any thoughts?

Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 10:57pm
Getting over someone is an up and down process. Feel great today, feel like dog doo tomorrow. I know what you mean about the pride thing. I have often asked myself how much of my hurt comes from a bruised ego. In all honesty, my guess would be about 25%. I think sometimes we hold on to the pain as proof of how much we loved them. It's like - How can I tell everyone how much in love I am with this guy, only to get over it 2 months later? But the truth is, when it's over it's over. You come to a point when you realize that your energies are better spent elsewhere. It doesn't mean that you don't still love and care for that person, it just means that you realize a lost cause when you see one. It is self-preservation, and that is a good thing!

Lois