I've got problems, like evryone else...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
I've got problems, like evryone else...
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 2:58pm
Okay, I might as well dump my crazy story here and see if I can get some advice. Who knows?

I'm a sixteen year old girl, wise beyond my years, yet still somewhat naive. When I was young, I was sexually assaulted multiple times by a group of "friends" in my neighborhood. SInce they left the neighborhood (go figure, you move to the suburbs to get AWAY from this kind of mess) and left my empty shell, I've been trying to build myself back up, to become what I feel is a real person. So, I feign confidence, I have an polite yet strong attitude that gets me respect and notice. About a year an a half ago, I began feeling safe, happy. So I tried my luck at a young man, a year and a half senior to me. I was a freshman in high school. Our relationship went great. We never fought, never really had any issues. Well, I gave him a lot because my mother (who has never had a good relationship and thought she had learned a lot from her troubles) told me to; she basically told me,"If you want a good relationship, be perfect for him." Key phrase: FOR HIM!!! So I was. I made two rules in our relationship: Don't cheat. Don't hit me.

That's it. I wasn't very picky. I gave up flirting and gave into him. I was the perfect girlfriend. And it worked, for a while. Everyone loved our perfect relationship. About three months into our relationship, he wanted to become intimate. I didn't want to, but I was supposed to be perfect for him, so he never knew.

A while later, I invited one of his old friends to go to a theme park with him, myself, and my youth group. Well, he sort of invited her to stay the night at my house, meaning we all stayed in the same room, same bed.

I heard rumors a while later that he had cheated on me after I fell asleep, but he promised he hadn't, he loved me after all. I believed him and went on my happy, stupid way.

We didn't have any troubles until last January. He would always sleep at my house; my parents were cool with it. They trusted us. (By this point, I had found religion and told him I couldn't be so intimate any more. My parents also never knew we were intimate.) Well, sometime around January when he was staying the night at my house, I woke up and he was doing some *ahem* sexual things to my, IN MY SLEEP. I didn't say anything, just waited and went to sleep. It happened a couple of times.

I finally decided that one night in February, I would pretend to be asleep and catch him red-handed. I did, and that night, he slept on the couch. The next day, we had a long discussion. He basically thought I was going to break up with him. God, I wanted to. The night I first caught him was the night I fell out of love with him. I had a Christian love for him, but that was all I had for him. Well, right after the discuassion, he went up to his room while I stayed downstairs on the couch, and he made some rackety noises. After a while, I didn't hear any noise, so I took a nap. A little while later, he came downstairs and told me he had almost just tried to commit suicide. I'm not sure I believe he's mentally capable of being strong-willed enough to do it. I played the good little girlfriend once more and took care of him, not knowing what to do.

From that night until just recently, I've been faking my entire side of the relationship, for him and for my mother, who still has no clue how badly he hurt me, even though I've tried to tell her.

Well, my two best friends, (both big, burly male athletes who make my boyfriend jealous and want to kick my boyfriend's ass), have been telling me since that incident to break up with him. I told them, let me wait til he goes to college. He'll cheat within the first three weeks of being away from me. No problem. I won't be the bad guy. Well, he only applied to two schools and they both turned him down. So he's now enrolled at the local community college, still living at home.

So, I realized, I've got to do something before I'm stuck in this dman town with him for the rest of my ever-lovin' life! So, shortly after going to a bootcamp, where I proved to be good (Number One cadet, maybe I am almost as good as my father was) and found love in an unlikely place (I didn't cheat at all but I sure fell for the boy, and it was mutual but we have no way of getting in touch), I realized that I am strong enough to live without this unhealthy relationship. In fact, it's been getting me depressed. I decided it was time.

However, I still have this fear of the boyfriend either hurting me, or himself. So, I told him to give me a month break because I've been going thru some issues, I need to see a couselor, it's tough to get better when you're worried about being the ideal girlfriend, yadda, yadda, yadda. Basically, I lied to the boy, hoping he would stay away from me during that time and move on. Instead, he's just as clingy, but just doesn't grope me. That's the only difference. So, how do I end this long, screwed up relationship for once and for all? That's my crazy story.Now, how in the HECK do I break up with him without hurting him or me?