Taking a Break
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 07-11-2004 - 3:33pm |
The dreaded "I need space" line. What the heck does this mean? I've done this before and it's awful!!! My bf of one year moved out recently because he needs space. I'm clinging onto that phrase, If you love someone set them free... He's been through quite an ordeal, a recent nasty divorce and it all got to be too much for him that he didn't have time for a relationship. Though he feels like I pushed him away. He's living on his own and I actually have his foster daughter full time (long story) He also has 2 other teenage daughters mostly living with their mom. I know he needs this space but I hate the unknown. We are very nice towards each other and he lets me talk (or should I say babble) about this situation. I just want to look at this as a break but not a break up but I'm not sure what's on his agenda. Argh! I just called him because he was suppose to drive his foster daughter to a soccer game for me but bailed so I have to leave work early to take her. Maybe we shouldn't be together... I just am not looking forward to being single again!!!

My present ex, didn't take enough time to heal from his divorce and we sort of jumped into this. It was immediate attraction on both ends but I was extremely cautious due to his situation. When it became a relationship, and it became "work", he didn't have it in him. He said several times that he just wants good times with me but that doesn't happen. I believe a relationship is a test to get through the bad times and enjoy the good times.
We should have ended it months ago but we didn't. I finally had enough of him not being in the relationship. He is a terrific guy, caring, loves his family, works hard, good heart. He just didn't have it in him to include me in the relationship. Whenever I told him I had needs that weren't being met- he got angry and defensive and said I'm selfish. My esteem isn't the best to begin with so that really hurt. I feel like I worked so hard to try to meet his needs but mine were being neglected. We talked about taking a break but he just didn't have it in him to take the intiative. So when I had enough, I went to his best friend and spilled my guts. He agreed with me and said my bf shouldn't be in a relationship now. He told him to move out that night!!! I knew he had to, and I was to take care of his foster daughter (who I have a very close relationship with). When we did talk, he said he just wants to date- meaning he'll call me when it's convenient for him. Well, this is what we have been doing for the last year so I told him it wasn't a good idea and he said that I want all or nothing. I told him that it just wasn't good for my heart to "date". So he respected that and he hasn't included me in any trips with his girls and the foster girl- which hurts tremendously, because I really enjoyed that part of the relationship, but I know he needs time alone and time alone with them.
When we do speak of our future, he says he doesn't know but I just have a gut feeling that this isn't suppose to be. Though he has said very nice things to me, he just can't get over how I reacted when my needs weren't being met. It hurts so much because I just have that "why me" feeling. Why can't I just find a relationship that works. I look at all my friends and aquaintances and they all seem to be able to be in committed relationships with families. I need to get strong and understand why I'm not in a relationship. I know that it's what I want. I've been single, I've been in relationships and I'd much rather be in a HEALTHY relationship. Though the healthy part I can't seem to find.