sitting in the airport and...
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sitting in the airport and...
| Sun, 07-11-2004 - 3:57pm |
I don't know this all happend just last night so i'm still kind of in shock. Maybe one of you will see something in this I don't.

Now, that's not something you want to hear. And he didn't handle it well, messaging you in an airport about it. And it is a terrible blow to your pride to hear from someone you love that they don't want the relationship with you anymore. But spend some time really reflecting on what he's said. Is he right? Does he have a point? Assume that he does know himself enough to know what he's talking about in terms of his goals/plans/ambition. Then don't fall into the trap so many women fall into - believe him. Don't think he's making it up, that it's an excuse, that you can change him, that he "just needs to grow up" or any other reason women give for disbelieving a man who says that he's immature, directionless, a mama's boy, and is perfectly happy that way. This requires a bit of time to get a better perspective on it, and to get past your shock, but try to look at it dispassionately. If everything he's saying about himself is true, well, he's made a pretty accurate assessment of your potential together, hasn't he? You can see that he has a point about how and why it won't work. I don't mean to be flippant, but sometimes, particularly when you're both really young, different life goals and "growing up" at different paces really can be all it takes to end a relationship, because it is too soon and one or both of you is not ready to be that serious. Love often just isn't enough to overcome some pretty fundamental differences between you. It also sounds like he really has agonized about this, has thought hard about your feelings, and is trying to make a very difficult decision. You don't have to like it or to agree, but I think you can respect him for that. The problems he's identified are, as I said earlier, fundamental problems. This isn't that one of you smokes, or has bad spending habits, or doesn't know how to clean the bathroom. These differences go to your very personalities and dreams, and they are unlikely to be "fixable." If he is happy being shiftless, living at home and living for the moment without a goal or plan, that's unlikely to change, and he certainly has no motivation to change. And his assessment of you makes you sound like a very smart, ambitious, self-confident young woman. Hard as this is at the moment, I can say that I am about 3 1/2 months past a very difficult breakup, and in a much better place, very content with my life and positive about my future. I know reassurances that you'll be okay, time will heal, this is for the best, those things all seem pretty hollow, but they usually are absolutely true, and you will get through this.
"I don't mean to be flippant, but sometimes, particularly when you're both really young, different life goals and "growing up" at different paces really can be all it takes to end a relationship"
That sentence hit a cord in me. I think thats partly the case with my breakup. He was younger not doing well in school and I'm soon to graduate and he felt like we weren't on the same page anymore. He felt like I wanted to move away and start a new life and he would be holding me back. He assumed way to much. So thats another problem to add to the many that I have already seen. I'm glad he did it becuase I am way stronger now than I was when I was with him. I like myself a hell of a lot more these days. Our relationship wasn't very healthy and thats why it would have eventually fallen apart but I think that maybe him thinking I was moving in a different direction than him or he wasn't good enough for me pushed him to break up with me among other issues in his head.
jmielei I know this is really hard for you and I wouldn't accept my breakup for a long time. Just take what he says and start moving forward. I think he broke up in a more decent way than many guys do. Mine wouldn't answer me and then just said he needed time on his own (then starts dating someone 2 months later). I'm 21 so I'm around your age we have a lot of time left and we are still discovering ourselves. Trust me you will learn a lot about yourself in this time. Good luck! I know its hard but I have learn that time is the best and worse thing during this process. We are here for you
he lies and then tells people it was me!!!