I want to stop loving him
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I want to stop loving him
| Sun, 07-11-2004 - 4:43pm |
Ok, I know that most of you haven't found any of my posts very interesting but this is just a sounding board for me anyway. If anyone read my other post, the meeting that was supposed to take place yesterday had to be postponed because he had an emergency appendectomy on Tuesday morning. I ran to be by his side as soon as I found out. And I would be taking care of him right now if I could. He kept trying to say things that need to be included in our talk. I told him that it wasn't the time or the place. Right now, I'm crying and praying to God to please just make me stop loving him. I so needed this resolution to happen so I could either move on or we could work on moving on together. Now, I'm still in limbo and it looks to be at least 4-6 weeks before he is going to be able to do anything. I just want to stop loving him so that I don't care anymore. He has resolved most of the issues that he was working on. And I just want to know if there is any chance for us or if I just need to let him go. My head is telling me to walk away and let him go but my heart just wants to hang on. I never knew it was possible to love someone this much. I know that we were probably going to work towards a resolution yesterday just by the way our talks were going, but now his ex wife has entered the picture. She happened to be the one closest when he needed to get to the hospital so she is the one now taking care of him. I'm not jealous. I have no reason or right to be. Maybe I just have a fear that during his recovery they are going to reconcile when it was supposed to be us reconciling. I know that if it's meant to be it will be but it took me so long to be ready to have this talk. And I know life isn't fair but it just seems like the same fate that brought us together is now trying to tear us apart. Maybe it's just supposed to work out that if we can make it through this we can make it through anything but is sure doesn't feel that way right now. I really feel like I've gone back to the past 3 months because once again I'm feeling the physical pain. I was willing to accept whatever happened yesterday but it really felt like things were positive and we were going to reconcile. I know this isn't his fault but because we have been broken up I have no place. I'm going to stop ranting now. Thanks for letting me take up the space.

Thanks again.
~Nancy