Miserable and Alone
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Miserable and Alone
| Mon, 07-12-2004 - 12:01am |
Sorry, this is a long one.
Last week my boyfriend of over 2 years broke up with me. We are seniors in college, and are not always near each other in the summer. I thought that everything had been going fine, we went on vacation together less than two months ago, and we have been seeing each other almost every weekend. He always seemed happy, and everything had been going great. However in the last week I had noticed him becoming distant and unwilling to make any plans in advance. Finally I got up the courage to ask him if he wanted to break up with me, and he said that he had been thinking about it. That, while he really enjoyed the time we spent together, he didn't really miss me when we were apart. He said that he was "bored", and wanted to see what else was out there, basically other girls. On the one hand I knew deep down that this would happen at some point, he never said the love word to me. But I had justified to myself that he just doesn't acknowledge his feelings, and were afraid of them. (Yes, I am a psych student). Yet, I really wanted to say I love you to him, but was too afraid of the consequences of what would happen. He said that "I'm the nicest girl that he has ever met." he just isn't sure if he can spend the rest of his life with me.
So now, I am trying to think logically and tell myself that I deserve someone who will tell me they love me, and will be appreciative of me. But then I start thinking about my ex with other girls, and it gets me so upset that I am sick to my stomach. It probably does not help that he was basically my first for everything, love, sex, everything. My isolation does not help. I am no longer friends with anyone in my hometown, and all of my school friends live hours away. So I really have no one to confide in (he was the one I always confided in), and no real way to get out of the house and have fun.
Now that I get to the point, how can I get over him? I am having a hard time acknowledging that this is permanent, that he will not come crawling back to me. I am going to have to see him basically on a daily basis once we get back to school because we have a class together. (And I need to stop getting sick from everytime I think about him with other girls) And how can I get myself out of isolation, I have another month left until I go back to school, and it will really be horrible if it continues the way it is now.
Last week my boyfriend of over 2 years broke up with me. We are seniors in college, and are not always near each other in the summer. I thought that everything had been going fine, we went on vacation together less than two months ago, and we have been seeing each other almost every weekend. He always seemed happy, and everything had been going great. However in the last week I had noticed him becoming distant and unwilling to make any plans in advance. Finally I got up the courage to ask him if he wanted to break up with me, and he said that he had been thinking about it. That, while he really enjoyed the time we spent together, he didn't really miss me when we were apart. He said that he was "bored", and wanted to see what else was out there, basically other girls. On the one hand I knew deep down that this would happen at some point, he never said the love word to me. But I had justified to myself that he just doesn't acknowledge his feelings, and were afraid of them. (Yes, I am a psych student). Yet, I really wanted to say I love you to him, but was too afraid of the consequences of what would happen. He said that "I'm the nicest girl that he has ever met." he just isn't sure if he can spend the rest of his life with me.
So now, I am trying to think logically and tell myself that I deserve someone who will tell me they love me, and will be appreciative of me. But then I start thinking about my ex with other girls, and it gets me so upset that I am sick to my stomach. It probably does not help that he was basically my first for everything, love, sex, everything. My isolation does not help. I am no longer friends with anyone in my hometown, and all of my school friends live hours away. So I really have no one to confide in (he was the one I always confided in), and no real way to get out of the house and have fun.
Now that I get to the point, how can I get over him? I am having a hard time acknowledging that this is permanent, that he will not come crawling back to me. I am going to have to see him basically on a daily basis once we get back to school because we have a class together. (And I need to stop getting sick from everytime I think about him with other girls) And how can I get myself out of isolation, I have another month left until I go back to school, and it will really be horrible if it continues the way it is now.

Kristine