Miserable and Alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Miserable and Alone
3
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 12:01am
Sorry, this is a long one.

Last week my boyfriend of over 2 years broke up with me. We are seniors in college, and are not always near each other in the summer. I thought that everything had been going fine, we went on vacation together less than two months ago, and we have been seeing each other almost every weekend. He always seemed happy, and everything had been going great. However in the last week I had noticed him becoming distant and unwilling to make any plans in advance. Finally I got up the courage to ask him if he wanted to break up with me, and he said that he had been thinking about it. That, while he really enjoyed the time we spent together, he didn't really miss me when we were apart. He said that he was "bored", and wanted to see what else was out there, basically other girls. On the one hand I knew deep down that this would happen at some point, he never said the love word to me. But I had justified to myself that he just doesn't acknowledge his feelings, and were afraid of them. (Yes, I am a psych student). Yet, I really wanted to say I love you to him, but was too afraid of the consequences of what would happen. He said that "I'm the nicest girl that he has ever met." he just isn't sure if he can spend the rest of his life with me.

So now, I am trying to think logically and tell myself that I deserve someone who will tell me they love me, and will be appreciative of me. But then I start thinking about my ex with other girls, and it gets me so upset that I am sick to my stomach. It probably does not help that he was basically my first for everything, love, sex, everything. My isolation does not help. I am no longer friends with anyone in my hometown, and all of my school friends live hours away. So I really have no one to confide in (he was the one I always confided in), and no real way to get out of the house and have fun.

Now that I get to the point, how can I get over him? I am having a hard time acknowledging that this is permanent, that he will not come crawling back to me. I am going to have to see him basically on a daily basis once we get back to school because we have a class together. (And I need to stop getting sick from everytime I think about him with other girls) And how can I get myself out of isolation, I have another month left until I go back to school, and it will really be horrible if it continues the way it is now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 5:26pm
wow I'm really sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I am going through a similar situation right now and it is very hard. My guy and I were only together for 6 months..I know it's not a long time...but it was long enough to develop some deep feelings. Then at the first sign of things getting serious he bolted..said he just could do it right now and that even though I am the nicest girl he has ever met he would like to date others. I know the sick feeling you are talking about...I found condom wrappers in my guys garbage can and I thought I would die...trust me though when I say it will get a bit easier but it will take time. I too am a student and we went to the same school, now I am finished and he still has one more term. I am feeling really down because I have yet to find a job (it's only been a few weeks) and I just feel like he's having so much fun without me. I can only imagine what it's like to not have your friends around. Have you thought about joining a club of some sort? A gym? Voluntering? Eveb going for a haricut or a day at the salon...it will pick you up and you will feel more confident. The best thing I did was wallow for the first little bit. Let myself feel bad for me for a while and then tried to pick myself up. You have to remember and I try to tell myself this everyday, that if he is with other girls than he is really not worth your time. He is going to end up hurting you more in the long run...eventually you will feel better and that will show and things will fall into place in you life. Going back to school will be a scary situation, but try not to think about it right now....focus on you and the rest will seem easier. It's really a day to day, minute to minute thing. Write it down, talk to someone, post here...just get it all out and you will start to feel better. I hope this helps a bit..remember you're not alone!! Hope you are feeling better

Kristine
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 9:44pm
Look at the positive side of going back to school. You will make new friends and will probably even find the next great guy in your life. Your feelings regarding him with another girl are totally normal. That's just the way we humans are built. But it does get better. He was your first everything and will always have a spot in your heart, but there is room in your heart for another. Keep your chin up and when you are around him, act confident and happy. You really don't want someone who doesn't love you, it's a very hurtful and unhealthy relationship to be in. You will be much happier with someone who loves you and lets you know it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 12:37am
its going to be very hard, it wont be easy there will be days when you feel like you cannot do it, BUT, things will be better....i too was in the same situation, but mine was worse because a week after he dumped me, he started seeing someone new...i thought i wasnt going to survive but i did. i lived each day every hour just trying to survive it. its still hurts, the pain is till there but right now i have come to accept the fact that its over and hes with someone else...u said you feel like getting sick just by thinking of him with another woman, been there done that, i thought i was going to die i couldnt breathe when i found out, i picture them together its the worse feeling but you know wut, like i said things will get better. try to keep yourself busy....go to the gym, thats the first thing i did after the breakup, i didnt go after work, i went around 730 or 8PM that way after working out your tired and before you know it its almost time to go to sleep and there wont be any time to think about him or him with another woman, the following day do the same thing. it will be routine at first and you will literally struggle but you will see as the hour turn to day and the day turn to tomoroow then a week, pretty soon you will see its been a month, thats where i am now. hurt is tsill there but im in a place now when acceptance is felt. right now im just hoping to complete my recovery and then move on. step by step, thats wut it takes. but trust me when i say things will be better. posting here has helped me a lot too, whenever you feel like talking to him, read the posts or you can post wutever you want, people here are really very supportive and will be behind you. hang in there!