13 months ago
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| Mon, 07-12-2004 - 6:50am |
I spent all last summer healing, then started to casually date again this last fall. Just over the last couple of months, I've started to realize that if they right person comes along, I'm ready to start a new serious relationship again. I'm not looking very hard, but I'm open to it.
Over the last week or so, I've found myself thinking about my ex a lot. And I mean a lot. I have had no contact with him since we broke up. It had to be that way. You know how it is, sometimes you have to break off all contact in order to really end it and heal.
I've been really wondering how he is. I have no good way of finding out, and I am not going to contact him to find out. I don't even have that impulse, thank god. A lot can happen in a year. I just really want to know what is going on in his life and I don't know why.
And I've been dreaming about him with some regularity, which is unusual. I've dreamt of him off and on over the last year, but not as often as lately.
I'm wondering, is this fairly normal? Could it just be because now that I am ready to move on, part of me is looking back? Could it be because just now I am starting to tire of being single and wish for someone special in my life again, my mind is turning back to when I felt that special closeness that you get when you are in a partnership? Can anyone relate?
As I said, I am honestly not looking to go back. We broke up for very good reasons, reasons that have not changed and I would not want to try to ressurect anything with my ex, and I honestly don't want to contact him and I won't. I never went through that particular hell of wanting to contact him but knowing I shouldn't. So I'm not going to do that now.
I guess I'm just confused as to why he may be on my mind so much lately, why I miss him and wonder so much about him when those emotions have been quite light and fleeting over the last year. And I understand that I don't think I miss *him* as much as I miss being in a lovng and stable relationship.
Please...can anyone relate?

I totally relate to what you are going through...I've posted a while ago about my breakup. I was in a 4 year relationship and my ex and i have not spoken or seen each other in 5 months...my birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks...so it's kind of a test to see if he will call/email to wish me a happy birthday. My feeling is that he won't since he hasn't bothered to find out how I've been doing thus far.
Even though my breakup has been only for 5 months, I still think about my ex. I feel as though I'm much stronger now though..with no contact. I haven't bothered going out to bars/clubs because I didn't want to put myself out there...but now, I think I'm ready to date. It sucks though...I miss the comfort of being with someone who knows what you are thinking. it sucks to have to go thru the process again.
but you sound as though you've been doing great so far....i truly believe that great things come when we least expect it. never know when you'll meet a better match for you while you are going grocery shopping or something! take care!