Guys Hurt Too
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| Mon, 07-12-2004 - 11:22am |
Despite the red flags, and my ignoring them, I still love her and the pain is unbearable. It's a struggle to do anything, for memories of her are at every turn in my house, my town and my work. I have tried to go through the house and remove all the "physical evidence" so that I won't be reminded of the memories...but they still linger...
I find myself wondering where she is, what she is doing, and instead of remembering how frustrating the relationship was about half the time, I find myself remembering and longing for the good times....it's like going through detox, I guess. I've made the mistake and called her a couple of times...but I have finally realized that her pattern is once she is done, she is done and there is no reason to give up any more of my pride than I already have.
I know I'll recover...I just wish I knew when. Everyone says it will get easier every day...but so far, I sure can't tell it and it's been three weeks. How do you go on? How long does the pain last? What can I do?

You are going to be ok! Just know that you are not alone - we are all here for you!
I wish you would change your name, because it won't always be that way. I had my engagement ring and planning a wedding (3 1/2 yrs ago) when my boyfriend decided that me & a life with me wasn't what he really wanted. I remember that night sitting in my dark bedroom crying and trying to talk myself into the fact it wasn't real. It was the next morning that felt even worse.......I felt like I couldn't move. My entire world had been shattered in one night. I felt so sick I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I immediately withdrew, went home and just sulked and waited for him to come back. That lasted about 4 weeks, and it was the most miserable 4 weeks of my life. My mother had to come over and take down all of the pictures and put his belongings in a box for me. We broke up in July and I stayed miserable through August. It was September I finally woke up and MADE myself get up and start fresh. I took a class, I went out with friends more, I really focused on myself and things I always wanted to do. You need to really look deep to things you may have put off the past 15 mos. It took several months for me to get over him, but once I was single and dating again I really missed it when I started dating my new boyfriend. Even though my boyfriend now and I are breaking up, this time around isn't as bad, because I know that there is a love out there that is so much better than the one's we settle for. Keep that in mind, when you finally meet her this heart will seem like nothing. GET BUSY AND DO FOR YOURSELF!!! There will be a time when you can't........enjoy being single. As for the pain you are feeling it will subside with time, just allow yourself 10 mins a day to think about it and be done with it, until you don't need to do that anymore. (within a few weeks) DO NOT CALL HER and put everything away that reminds you of her. You'll see once you start doing for yourself you'll feel better. BEST WISHES........April
For the next little while, avoidance is the key. Later on, I promise, going to the same places that you went to with your ex won't hurt as much.
It's a good thing you're seeing a counselor. Sometimes it's best to talk to someone who's objective. And posting here helps too (i should know!)
You should really read the posting by milton333 with the heading "for those struggling with no contact" (posted Jul-13). Print it out and read it over and over again. It's good advice when you can't help but feel pain and how to deal. It really helped me deal with controling my impulsive behavior about my ex (ie. like contacting him again).
And you may have already read this article too but in case you haven't:
http://www.fusion101.com/ed/breaking_up.htm
Much luck!