Guys - Your advice, please

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Guys - Your advice, please
1
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 9:20pm
I need a man's point of view. Here are the facts. Boyfriend of ten years doesn't make enough time for me. Everything else is a priority. We break up multiple times, only to have him some sniffing around after a period of time goes by. We give it another try. He pulls away - again. He makes no time for me, but is a coward and makes me do the breaking up. During the relationship I gave him A LOT of space to do his "guy things" like hunting, fishing, hanging with the guys, etc. No complaining from me.

If it's just sex he wants (which is what I make out of his behavior) why doesn't he just pick someone up from the local bar? He is very successful and good looking, so he should have no problem hooking up with someone. Why does he keep coming back to me?

So this last time I told him not to call me unless it was to tell me that he loves me more than the world and is going to really try hard to make our relationship work. I'm thinking that should keep him at a distance. He's a life of the party type guy who everyone knows and is pretty fun to be around. So again, why does he keep coming back to me when he could pretty easily hook up with someone else?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 4:01pm
Hi Whoover,

I have spent almost 3 years with a guy I care and love deeply, but it has just come to light that I want to get married in the next few years and have children and he does not. Of course I'm heartbroken, but you have to ask yourself this, you have spent 10 (an entire decade with this guy??????) and it is very clear that he cannot make a commitment to you. You need to think about the most important thing here and that's YOU! Imagine 10 years ago and what you wanted then? Do you think that same person would want what is happening in your life now? Also, think 10 years into the future do you want this same thing to continue in your life. He is putting himself first which is very obvious, now it is time for you to put yourself first. You need to find someone who is worthy of commitment and your love. Spend 10 years with someone who can't wait to come through the door and spend as much time with you as possible. Cut your losses NOW or you are going look back over the amount of time you lost and regret it! You sound like a smart educated woman who's Primary Love Language is Quality Time. You are best leaving this relationship in the past it sounds like you have wasted too many tears and good years on it. Best of Wishes and hope this wasn't rough. I have just been there and done that!

April