What are your thoughts on..

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2003
What are your thoughts on..
6
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 6:33pm
Well.

So it was decided about a week or 2 ago that i'm over the break up with my ex. I'm over him for the most part, although i miss him here and there, but getting on with my life is what i've been doing and it feels great.

So here's my question. There's this friend of mine, and aquaintence of my ex (my ex doesn't really like this guy), but this guy is also really good friends with my ex's cousin. Now. I have a thing for this guy. I've had one since i met him 2 years ago, although it was nothing more than a tiny crush. Now that i'm single, i'm looking for other guys of course. He sounds interested. Is this.... wrong or something? Should i not really consider him because he's good friends with my ex's cousin (who im friends with too), and because he still sees my ex on occasion..... I just don't know how well tha'd go over..... Is that almost sleazy? Or should i give it a try and see what happens? Not saying im gonna date him anytime soon, but i'd definetely like to get to know him better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 11:11am
Hi Cosmogoober:

Reading your message I saw red flags all over the place. First of all the fact your break up was recent and you directly know how your ex feels about this guy will only cause trouble. Once you get over your ex and realize, "hey I'm single it is time to live it up." You are immediately on the "prowl" as silly as that sounds. When my ex & I broke up I actually tried to remember guys from High School and find out where they were. You need to get away from ALL males who have anything to do with your ex. Try to find someone new/fresh and won't hear the tiniest details of your last relationship and break up. Meet someone who can't be swayed or judge you from your last relationship from your "ex" or your "friends" opinion. You'll be glad you didn't go after this relationship. TOO MANY PROBLEMS COULD possibly happen here.

Good for you for moving on and getting over your ex-boyfriend. Now get out there and enjoy being single, free and looking out for who is most important. THAT'S YOU!

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 9:55pm
Congratulations on being over the ex!!! I don't necessarily think it's sleazy to go out with a friend of your ex's cousin but if your friends with this cousin I think you should talk to him first and make sure he's ok with it. Also keep in mind that you may see the ex while your with this guy and make sure you and this guy can handle it. Good luck and keep us posted!!













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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2003
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 9:32am
Yeah, thats the thing.

I don't really see his cousin or his cousins friend unless i run into them somewhere or at a party. I haven't see them in about a month. But saturday, his cousins' friend is having a party, im invited, my ex's cousin's invited, and some other "aquaintences" of my exs's are invited. But, my ex, is not. Thats why I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It's not like his cousin and his cousins' friend hang out with my ex alot. His cousin will see him occasionally, at family things of course, and sometimes go to movies and what not, but his cousins' friend, doesn't really like me ex, and vice versa.

So I dunno. I dont think I have to worry about seeing my ex... and even if I do, oh well right? hehehe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 11:17am
I guess I will be in the monority here --- but I say what the heck, go for it. You know what they say about the 6 degrees of separation. You can't exclude everyone from your potential dating pool because they may be a friend of a friend of a friend...etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2003
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 2:03pm
Thats true.

And i thought about it.... even if my ex WERE to have a problem with me "seeing" this guy, how dare he. afterall, HE broke up with ME. What right does he have to get pissed off at me for going after someone else. Just because he doesn't want me, doesn't mean someone else won't.

Besides, Like i said, this guy and my ex don't really like each other, and they don't see each other unless they have to. As for my ex's cousin, well, i'll be seeing him more than anything. I can't live my life wondering about some other guy just because my ex knows him. I shouldn't have to decide who to date, or who to be interested in based on what my ex will think. My ex and I are on civil terms, so even if I did run into him somewhere with these other guys, I can't see why it'd be a problem. Its not like i went after my ex's best friend (he doesnt have friends anyway.), or his cousin or something. I'm going after his cousin's friend. :) I think I should try it and see where it goes. Worse case senerio, my ex finds out, gets mad.... that's his problem, not mine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2003
Sun, 07-18-2004 - 7:14pm
So heres a twist on this..


I met up with this guy the other night, we went to a movie, just hung out as FRIENDS. we haddn't seen each other in almost 2 years, so we met as a refresher. After this, I don't think i LIKE him anymore... 2 years ago he was different, now it's like something changed. I like him as a friend, but i dont think i LIKE LIKE him. Besides, its too soon to date anyone. BUT, now, he brought up the "friends with benefits" thing... I'm riding the fence.

Normally i'm not that kind of girl, either you date me, or you dont and get nothing. But since i'm not interested in dating him really, I'm still kind of attracted to him. HONESTLY, tell me the truth girls/guys... is this skanky if i go through with it? And is it twice as wrong because he knows my ex?? i'm so confused.

Its not like me to even CONSIDER friends with benefits, let alone with someone my ex runs into here and there. And because my relationship ended about 3 months ago, im kinda scared maybe im thinking of it now just out of spite or something. how can i tell the difference so i don't do something i'll regret? I want to do it, but i don't. I've got good reasons for both. blah!!!