We hung out on Saturday and went to dinner, had a great time just like we were back together- but i didn't sleep with him. I realized it was a bad idea because all my feelings came back, and I know he's still lying to me. So i emailed him on sunday and told him it would be a bad idea for us to hang out anymore, and that i was doing so well but saturday threw me for a loop (i said more, but i don't want to make this too long). he emailed me back on monday and said a lot too, and said that he will always have a place in his heart for me, and that he always invisioned us being together for a long time, but with no trust this is no relationship (i completely agree, i can't believe a word he says to me anymore). He ended the email in saying that if he would be too hard for me, then we wouldn't see or talk to eachother. So i left it at that, and then he called me at work in the afternoon (keep in mind I don't have caller id) and he said he just wanted to make sure i was okay (wouldn't he think that if I didn't respond, i didn't want to talk to him?!?). So, stupid me, ask him to come over that night (last night) and he said he may do that. So i called him at about 7:30 last night to tell him it would be a bad idea, but he didn't answer, and didn't call back til 9 when he was on the way to the bar with his friends, and I didn't answer or call back. He emailed me today and said he called, but that i didn't call back and he figured i fell asleep and that he would talk to me soon. So, now I'm angry and want to email him this, but instead, i'll share with you guys!!
I do not want to be in any kind of relationship with you, anymore! I don't want to be friends, i don't want to talk to you, i don't even want to hear your name. how the h*ll can you sit there like you are my friend, and STILL LIE TO ME!!!! I know you're still lying to me, and we are broken up!! You have no reason to lie to me anymore, I don't have to approve of anything you do, yet you are still doing it!! You are completely f*cked up in the head. Do you even KNOW you're lying to me anymore?? You are doing a LOT more harm than good with lying to me, and I will NEVER be able to trust you EVER! I'm not even FRIENDS with people that lie to me. When you're ready to come clean with EVERYTHING from before AND after we were together, THEN i'll CONSIDER talking to you again. You completely disgust me!!!
Wew... feel so much better. Thanks guys!
In therapy we were told to write a letter and express how you exactly feel. Then have then write a response that you want to hear, not what you want you think they will say. Then write a letter of forgiveness and leave it in the past. You do not need to stay in this toxic relationship and you need to move on. Don't call him, don't write him and don't see him. If he calls/emails and ask you out say, "No thank you I have plans." and leave it at that. If you just have to go to the bookstore and have coffee-DO IT. Start doing things for you. Redecorate, get a new hairstyle, read books do things for you.
Anyhow, as I stated above you wrote the letter now I'm going to write the letter back. Then you should write a letter of forgiveness AND LEAVE IT IN THE PAST!
When I received your letter I felt completely surprised. I sat back and realized what I jerk I have been to you and I am sorry. I know that sorry doesn't make up or take away all the things I have done to you, but that's all I can do for now. You are a great woman and you deserve love, compassion and honesty. I hope you can forgive me of all my shortcomings and realize that I am deeply sorry for my actions. Thank you for telling me how you feel and I wish you all the best in the world. You truly deserve it and you will make some guy very lucky one day.
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Best Wishes Jap524,
April
C