This is kinda long, sorry. For the past few days I have felt really strong, I found ways to keep myself busy and I am finding ways to meet new people. The only way I could get through this was just to think of the negative aspects of my now defunct relationship. Then he im-ed me today telling me about some woodchucks he had seen outside his apartment, and sent a picture. I love animals, a lot. So when we were going out he would see some sort of animal and always tell me about it, even if it was a squirrel. He said that this had happened a few days ago and he immediatly wanted to tell me, but he knew I needed my space. When I told him about how depressed it made me to think about him with other girls he said there are no others. Then he said that he hoped that I would not get with any new guys anytime soon. He even said he missed me. The reason we broke up is basically because he is afraid of commitment and cannot handle his feelings. We dated for 2 1/2 years and he never said he loved me. I know I deserve a guy that will say that to me. But after that convo with him I broke down. I had not cried in 2 1/2 days, but now I cannot stop. The conversation reminded me of all of the good things, and how compatible we really are....except his inability to commit and say he loves me.
So a few minutes ago I called him, and told him though it was the hardest thing I would ever have to do, I could not be in contact with him right now. We have classes together in September, and I need to get through this so I will not crumble in front of him. He said that he would respect that, and that when I was ready to talk again I could call him. I know I am doing the right thing....but it hurts so bad. I can still see us getting back together at some point. He was my best friend, and the person I went to whenever I was upset....and now I do not even have that. I don't even have any close girlfriends to go out with, and my best guy friend was basically an ass who didn't help. I know it'll take time, but I wish it wouldn't hurt so bad. It feels as the pain will never go away. I know all of the responses I'll probably get to this....I got them before, and I even tell myself them. Still, all the logic in the world will not mend this.
Sh*t! Very often I think, if we love eachother, why is SOMEONE making it so hard for us to be together, i thought love is supposed to be a great thing that is always supported by God....
mmmmmmmmmmmm.......
I always go on here when I´m completely messed up, like now....
(sorry if I made mistakes, I´m Dutch)
Samantha