It is not getting any better...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
It is not getting any better...
4
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 11:51pm
This is kinda long, sorry. For the past few days I have felt really strong, I found ways to keep myself busy and I am finding ways to meet new people. The only way I could get through this was just to think of the negative aspects of my now defunct relationship. Then he im-ed me today telling me about some woodchucks he had seen outside his apartment, and sent a picture. I love animals, a lot. So when we were going out he would see some sort of animal and always tell me about it, even if it was a squirrel. He said that this had happened a few days ago and he immediatly wanted to tell me, but he knew I needed my space. When I told him about how depressed it made me to think about him with other girls he said there are no others. Then he said that he hoped that I would not get with any new guys anytime soon. He even said he missed me. The reason we broke up is basically because he is afraid of commitment and cannot handle his feelings. We dated for 2 1/2 years and he never said he loved me. I know I deserve a guy that will say that to me. But after that convo with him I broke down. I had not cried in 2 1/2 days, but now I cannot stop. The conversation reminded me of all of the good things, and how compatible we really are....except his inability to commit and say he loves me.

So a few minutes ago I called him, and told him though it was the hardest thing I would ever have to do, I could not be in contact with him right now. We have classes together in September, and I need to get through this so I will not crumble in front of him. He said that he would respect that, and that when I was ready to talk again I could call him. I know I am doing the right thing....but it hurts so bad. I can still see us getting back together at some point. He was my best friend, and the person I went to whenever I was upset....and now I do not even have that. I don't even have any close girlfriends to go out with, and my best guy friend was basically an ass who didn't help. I know it'll take time, but I wish it wouldn't hurt so bad. It feels as the pain will never go away. I know all of the responses I'll probably get to this....I got them before, and I even tell myself them. Still, all the logic in the world will not mend this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 12:59pm
Sushi, I know what you mean. It's been almost four weeks here and its not any better..in fact it is worse. I know all the responses too and even though it helps to read encouragement from everyone here, it doesn't stop the pain. Perhaps it just gives some hope that one day the pain will indeed stop and we can move on. One thing I'd do is definitely put him on the ignore list on IM. Block his calls and his emails. I'm finding the no contact thing is extremely hard to do...because I made the mistake a few times and did contact....but now...I'm NOT going to do it. Everytime my phone rings I hope it is her...but deep down I know it's not going to be...and everytime I got an email I hoped it was from her...and I finally blocked her email address so I can't get any from her...I got a new IM ID and killed the old one...it's the hardest thing I've ever gone thru in my life and I'm an old guy compared to most of you all here...I feel your pain and I understand for I share it...completely....totally. Just keep taking one breath at a time and let yourself grieve....cry when you need to...take a break and just do whatever you have to do to get it out at the time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:56pm
Yes, its so crappy and hard...and its funny to see that people actually go trough the same damn thing of waiting and waiting for a phonecall or email,...sometimes if someone else phones I dont answer cos i´m so pissed off its not him and I trow email away, I dont care...but i must say, i have my good and bad days, i have very very good days that i feel happy and strong and dont need that contact but today is a weak one, at least i have already learned that I am not contacting him, thats a good start. Hey Sushi and aloneagain2004, you will be ok you know, it takes time and for me its like this, although I would love it so so much I know it would never really work anyway, especially after everything thats been said and done. Just keep the thought that he or she did definetly love you and thats its not because of you only, but the 2 together that its not working out.

Sh*t! Very often I think, if we love eachother, why is SOMEONE making it so hard for us to be together, i thought love is supposed to be a great thing that is always supported by God....

mmmmmmmmmmmm.......

I always go on here when I´m completely messed up, like now....

(sorry if I made mistakes, I´m Dutch)

Samantha

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 2:05pm
Thank you to all, even though I kinda know what will be said, the responses help. The days are not bad for me, today I feel kinda good....but the nights are the worst. So I'll be trying to keep myself busy and posting on here. Once again thanks everyone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 9:22pm
Welcome to the board!! I know doing no contact is tough but sometimes it's all you can do....I know it saved my friendship with my ex.....if we hadn't taken that time apart we wouldn't be nearly as close as we are now. It was tough at the time but it got better and am glad we did it....for the sake of our friendship. Just try and stick it out and he'll be there when you're ready to be friends again. Good luck and keep us posted!!













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