Why does he do this? Please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
Why does he do this? Please help
2
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 12:59pm
So my ex and I have been broken up for about 4 months. We really don't talk anymore but we still email. Lately we had been emailing almost every day and frankly the emails were getting boring. I have been too much of a whimp to tell him that we shouldn't talk at all and we have discussed being "friends." Anyway, he emailed me on Monday and basically asked about my weekend. It was a fairly boring email and so I decided to not write back for a few days. I was planning on emailing tomorrow just to say that I have been really busy and apologize for not getting back to him sooner. Anyway, I get an email this morning and it says, "I assume we are done talking, which I guess I had seen coming anyway. Best of luck with everything." What is that? I immediately flipped out, picked up my cell phone and left my office to call him. (very irrational of me, I know.) Anyway, he basically told me he wrote that b/c after ignoring his emails that's what he figured I wanted. I said that I have had a lot of stuff going on in my life and was dealing with that and it was nothing personal. He told me that was ridiculous b/c if I was busy I could of dropped him an email telling him that. I guess he is right about that but at this point I don't really think either of us should have those kind of expectations for each other. He said he does want to know whats going on in my life etc but that he was really just calling a spade a spade and that I was clearly blowing him off. I then explained that if I never wanted to speak to him again I would let him know and to not just assume that because I didn't reply to an email for a few days. His tone of voice was kind of bitter and we were really going back and forth about the same points. The conversation ended fine but I really don't understand why he does this to me. Is it just to get a reaction? I am so disappointed that I was so irrational and picked up the phone because I feel like he got what he wanted. Someone please explain this to me... I am just confused.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 1:11pm
You are right - at this point - you should have no expectations of each other. What you just experienced is another phase of moving on.

First you break up, then you continue to communicate in some consistent way (email, texts, IM, phone calls) and then inevitably, one person begins to communicate back less frequently. The other person feels the 'pulling away' and gets upset because now the break up becomes more real. It doesn't matter who feels it first - the dumper or the dumpee - but it happens, Separation Anxiety.

I wouldn't worry too much. If you want to move on, and he wants to move on - then you gotta move on, and there is no other way to do it then to let each other fade away. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 2:20pm
Hi, I don't know why he got so upset, he was obviously waiting and hanging on every word, and seemed angry that you might have cut ties before he could. Sounds immature. You sound like you are sort of ready to move on anyway, that his small talk has become boring to you. I wouldn't stress about calling him, it was a normal reaction to have with him jumping to conclusions. I would be casual and still email if you were still interested in the continued contact otherwise, it is a good idea to move on and let it go. Maybe a last friendly email to say take care and hope there are no hard feelings. Why do they want to make it your fault? My ex who was the dumper would say things like , "well if thats the way YOU want it" when I would say I couldn't be friends right now. Of course thats not what I really wanted, but it's the best thing and he tried to make it like I was pushing him away. So don't let him make you feel bad for letting the contact whither away, it is probably best for both of you. Best of luck

C