Heartbroken and Need Encouragment!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Heartbroken and Need Encouragment!
2
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 1:52pm
My boyfriend of two years just broke the news to me yesterday that he needs space. This came completely out of the blue, no warning, no signs, nothing! He didn't actually break up with me, he just said he needs time to get his head together and doesn't want to see me for a while until he decides how he feels. Although, I want to respect his wishes, I am very confused part of me feels abandoned and angry that he would hurt me so badly - but then the other half of me is trying to be understanding. The pain is so intense, the thought of losing him is horrific. He is such a wonderful man, we have talked about marriage, a family etc. Does anybody have anything to make sense of all this? He did call me last night to tell me that he misses me already and loves me. I felt better for a minute, but then felt worse.

Such a sad day : (

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 3:12pm
Hello,

Ugh, I understand your pain. Not only does this hurt, because you miss him.......it is horribly confusing. Basically when a guy says, "I need space," he is saying, "I'm really confused right now and I need to sort it out. Different guys "need space" in different ways. Some want to sit around in their underwear all day playing Video Games and others want to hang out with guy friends and do guy things. He isn't saying he doesn't care about you anymore or doesn't want to be anywhere near you. He just feels that he needs time apart to sort things out in his head. Right now trying to be in a relationship and trying to figure out the confusion in his head aren't helping him. Don't be hurt at all it isn't to be offensive to you. He really really needs some understanding and most of all SPACE. Do not contact him whatsoever, even if it kills you and you want to know he is doing. If he calls just be brief and understanding towards what's going on with him. Let him know you are there to talk. Don't force conversation, time together etc. When he is ready he'll contact you or come back to you. He just needs to see all your sweet and goodness right now. Being upset with him will just drive him further away. It will turn out ok. In the meantime get some things done you have been putting off, painting your room, redecorating, new hair style, taking a yoga class etc. Focus your attention on that and it will make the time go by faster. BEST WISHES -April
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 5:52pm
Thank you April for your kind words and encouragement. You views on this are exactly what I have been thinking. When he did call me last night I was very light and sweet and told him that I am here for him if he needs me. Although I wanted to cry and ask why why why? I didn't. He was very appreciative and let me know he loves me, I just wish I didn't feel so sad about it, I wish I could see the more positive side of all of this. I think it is my fear that he won't come back that is making me so sad, we had such a good thing and it hurts like hell to lose that, especially in this crazy world.

Thanks again,

I will keep you posted.