I know I did what is right but it's hard
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I know I did what is right but it's hard
| Thu, 07-15-2004 - 3:08pm |
I broke up with my boyfriend last night, who lives with me. I know I needed to break it off... All my friends, co-workers, and even my parents know that I wasn't happy and that I needed to leave him. He is a good guy, I mean we get along well and we enjoy each other's company- but he has some major issues. I feel like I am handcuffed to my house. I can't leave to go anywhere except work, or else I'm "cheating on him." EVERYWHERE I went, I would be accused of anything and everything. Everything I did, if I was on the phone, if I was on the computer, everything- I must be doing it because I'm talking to some guy. Or I must want to go there to look at guys, or flirt with guys, or get guys phone numbers. I have never done anything to betray his trust. He was like this from the beginning. Yet he had 100% of my trust. He would go out with his friends all the time, go to party's, go out to lunch, whatever, and I was fine with that because I knew I had nothing to worry about. Yet if I even tried to say I was going to the store to buy some food- he would tell me he's going with me, and if i questioned him, it must be because I was lying because I was really going somewhere else and thats why I didn't want him to go. He says that all guys are like that, and that there are sacrifices women have to make when they have a boyfriend. I constantly find myself thinking, oh no if I do 'this', he's gonna think 'this'. You know what I mean? He comes home and asks if I went anywhere, I say no, but he still goes to my car and feels my engine to see if it's hot to see if I'm lying. He checks my phonebill to see who I called, he drives by my work to make sure I'm really there, and if I am having a conversation with anyone of the opposite sex, whether it be at work or the man at the cash register, I must be cheating on him. He calls to make sure I'm at home and I tell him I am, but the t.v. is on and he can hear the people talking on tv, so that means that either I'm lying and I'm really out somewhere, or that I have people over. The relationship I was in prior to him was just the same, only worse. And that one ended horribly. I had already given him 3 or 4 chances. He never changes, regardless of the many times he'd swear up and down that he would. And it has gotten too far with my current boyfriend and I knew I had to leave him. He cried and that made it so much worse. He says he'd planned to marry me, and he loves me and he promises to change. But from my past experience I am not giving in this time. I want to so bad but I know what is right for me and I know I will do it. But I am struggling because I still really care about him and love him, but I have to leave him. He doens't understand why. Im at work crying just because I keep thinking about it. I got over it last time and I know I can get over it again, I just need some encouragement from someone who knows what I'm going through to help me get through this. Sorry it was so long guys :)

I really like your screen name! Good for you for doing what's right for #1 in your life-YOU. Even though you did the right thing it doesn't make it easier. I'm sure you are still heartbroken and sad. I'm glad to hear you already know that you will be alright. You really will! Right now you need to ask yourself, "What is it that I really want or haven't done." IF you have always wanted to take a Yoga class, go on a small vacation, redecorate etc., but he was too jealous to let you do these things......start doing them. Start doing all of them. I'd even write them on a list and start at the top and work your way down. Start doing for yourself and things that will make you happy. Give you a sense of accomplishment.
Also, you may want to look into going to see a counselor. You tend to be attracted to the same guy over & over again. I know you don't want to do this again so you need to figure out what made them so appealing to you and get over it. That way you can find someone in the future to take care of you and trust you completely.
BEST WISHES-
April
I am glad you are finally getting out of a terrible situation. No woman should have to feel trapped or held hostage or have to explain her every action. You are doing the right thing by breaking up with him, you need to be free and do whatever it is you want. He needs to deal with his insecurities somewhere else, you don't need to take the blame becuase he has been wronged in the past. I know its very hard breaking up becuase you remember the "good times" but right now you need to remember the bad. Think about how mad you were when you couldn't go out with your friends, talk to another guy just as friends, having to justify everywhere you went or where. This guy has issues that are completely out of your control and he needs help, you are a person not a dog or some animal he can control. Good luck and stay strong, you are making the right decesion.
Sounds like we're going through the same thing, I know it's hard, but keep your chin up. I know that I will find someone that will treat me better and you can too! Just look for what you want and don't settle for less! Good luck to you!
Tina
He is playing the sympathy card and I really hope you don't fall for it. If he really has no where to go and you know that tell him he has two weeks to figure something else out. Be firm on it and remind him every few days, you have 8 days left have you found anything?
It will turn out alright. You did the right thing.
April