Did I make things worse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Did I make things worse?
3
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 4:07pm
It's been 1 week since my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me. He lives in Colorado and I live in California. I visited him for the 4th of July, and the day I got home I called him and he broke up with me, because he didn't "feel it anymore". I'm having a really hard time accepting that reason. He said he couldn't give me 100% because he's so busy with work and everything. He said he's so confused and doesn't know why he feels this way, and wishes he didn't. I'm having a horrible time because I went from one extreme to the other in such a short period of time. I had no way to prepare for this, it came out of no where. We never fought, we're very compatible in every way. My friends and family seem to think that he got scared. I have never talked about our future together, marriage, kids, whatever. I've never pushed him to be with me, or anything. He visited me about 20 days earlier and everything was awesome. Something happened when I got to Colorado. He freaked out. I asked him if there was another girl or if he wanted to date other people, and he said no way, he's just not feeling it as much right now. Anyway, now he won't call, text, or email me. It's like I'm the bad guy here. I feel like he doesn't give a sh*t. I messed up and broke the 'no calling' rule. I called, text, and emailed him. Now I wish I hadn't. I feel so stupid and embarrassed. I'm not calling him anymore. Did I make things worse? Did I push him away even further because I kept calling? Will he ever call me again? How do you fall out of love with someone? I need some advice please. Any advice would be helpful. Thank you to anyone who reads this
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 4:32pm
No, you haven't made things worse, but you need to focus on accepting his reason...it's a valid one. Haven't you ever realized after dating someone for a while that while you care for the other person and enjoy their company, you're just not right for each other? That doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything...it's just not meant to be.

It takes three things to get over someone: time, no contact and acceptance that it's over and that the two of you weren't right for each other (and someone who doesn't think you're right for him CANNOT be right for you!). For the moment, concentrate on not contacting him, one day at a time.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 4:34pm
Hello,

As women we tend to want to know "why, why, why?" Once we have every bit of information it still isn't enough. You may never know why he has all of a sudden broken up with you and once you accept that it will become easier.

I tend to be completely honest when I'm giving advice. You may very well have pushed him away with trying to get in touch with him. Don't worry, silence is golden. Eventually he may wonder why you quit all togther. Either way you need to be understanding that he is confused and give him ALLLLLL the space he needs. Right now since he isn't contacting you he needs a lot. You need to put your efforts and focus on a project. What is something you have been putting off? (working out, taking a yoga class, painting?) Really put all of your focus into something you have REALLY been wanting to do, but you have put off. When he is ready to contact you he will. Just be prepared it may be a very long time or not at all.

You need to make all the steps to begin moving on and not getting false hopes, that will just hurt you all the more. I'm sorry if my honesty offends or hurts you. I just don't want anyone to be hurt by false hopes. Just keep yourself busy and remember you will be ok. You are a great person with a lot to offer.

Best Wishes-

April

PS-Over time your pain will subside and you will find yourself ready to date again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 5:14pm
Thank you for the advice and the honesty. I really appreciate it. The one thing I can't understand is how someone can love you one day, and then wake up the next, and be over it. He didn't even take time to think about it, he just broke up with me because he woke up one day and didn't feel the way he did the day before.