Long story...but I'm better off...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2003
Long story...but I'm better off...
1
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 9:27pm
Well here is the beginning of my VERY long story...if anyone can just read this and reassure me that what I did was right, that would be very much appreciated.

I met ex-SO online in January of 2003, and we hit it off right away. We talked every singal day and then we met around April or March. I knew that he was the one for me, even though we started out as friends. We started dating in June, and he was the best friend I ever had, and I also thought he was my soulmate. Everything was perfect until November, when he started pressuring me to have sex with him. (I'm only 15...14 at the time...he's almost 19.) I told him we could compromise, that we could go farther than kissing but not as far as he wanted. He agreed, and promised me he would never pressure me to do anything I wasn't comfortable doing. He also promised me that he would marry me, and said "I love you" after just a few weeks. Well in November, we had just finished doing a certain sex act, when all of a sudden, we were having sex. He never asked me, and I never said no, so he didn't exactly rape me, but he did break a promise that he made to never make me do it. (Broken Promise #1...).

Then in January 2004, his mom lost her job and decided to move out of state. Being 18, he told me that he would do whatever it took to stay out in CA with me. Around this time, I came back in contact with an ex boyfriend and we started talking online. One day, he asked me to come see him. So that I wouldn't anger my boyfriend, I took a friend with me to "supervise" and he brough along his younger sister and we all had a good time. Well my then-boyfriend found out about it and he was furious. He yelled, screamed (another thing he promised me he would never do), and called me every name in the book before telling me that I was never allowed to talk to any other guy ever again. Loving him, and being stupid, I went along with it. A few days later, his mom decided to leave for South Carolina. My parents decided that he could stay with us until he got his frist paycheck (he had just got a new job) and I was very happy that he was going to stay out here. But then he decided that he was going to leave with her (broken promise #3...), but promised me that he would move back to California before July 1st.

A few weeks later, I asked my ex a question online, and I felt guilty about breaking my promise to him, so I told him. He broke up with me (broken promise number 4...he told me we would always work everything out...). The next day we reconciled, and were together until 5 days before my birthday, when he told me that he was "going to return a lamp at Wal-Mart" and didn't come home until 1AM. He admitted that he went out with some people, and that he lied (broken promise #5...) and that he thought he was falling out of love with me. But then on my birthday, he called me and told me that he really did love me and he wanted to work things out, and, like an idiot, I took him back (I think that the only reason I did was that I was feeling guilty about everything that I had done with him. He was my first everything.) About three weeks later, I was really confused about my feelings for him, but I told him that I wanted to work things out and figure why I was feeling that way. He broke up with me AGAIN, but later that night emailed me and told me that he was going to kill himself. I really didn't feel like talking him out of it, do I didn't write him an email back or call him. By this time, I knew I was better off without him, because of all the lies and messing with my emotions. But, I realized that I loved him and got back together with him on Sunday.

Today, he told me that he wanted to talk to other girls, and that I should talk to other guys. He changed the password to his email account and told me to do the same thing. When he told me this, as much as I wanted to, I couldn't even cry. This guy has me so bruised up that I'm hardened to the pain and abuse that he's put me through. After we decided that we would talk to people, I called one of my girl friends to ask her what I should do. I had talked about going to the movies with her and her boyfriend earlier this week, but my boyfriend told me no, I couldn't go because there was going to be another guy there. When I told him that I was going to call my friend back, he said "Well would you have wanted to go to the movie if you could have?" And I said YES, because he's taken up SO much of my time and cut me off from most of my friends, so I wanted to try to reconnect a little bit with them. When I said yes, he got all mad and said "Well fine, pretend you're at the movies and see if you miss me!" and then wooudln't talk to me. So I called up my friend and told her what had happened and how I was getting tired of the way he was treating me, because to me, the last thing he did was VERY immature, and I was just plain tired of taking his crap. So I talked to her on the phone while he was online, and he kept typing things such as "HEY, THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT!" "TALK TO ME!!!" and "CAN'T YOU SEE THAT WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS BAD????" and the clencher came when he finally said "I HATE YOU!". Thats when I made up my mind that I had to leave. I never answered him, and he said that if he didn't hear from me by 6:00 that we would be considered broken up. I didn't say anything to him, and he called over here twice but I let the answering machine get it.

Did I make the right choice? I know that I'm going to regret this in the morning, and that it will be hard, but I know that this is whats best for me. I need to get my life right with God and I need to re-discover myself, because I've spent the past year and a half being what he wanted me to be instead of what I am. Strangely enough, I don't feel too sad. I actually laughed at his messages when he called. I'm talking to him online right now and he swears that he will change, but I'm not going to buy into it again. I can't even cry...does this mean that I don't love him anymore? I don't feel like crying, and I can't. Does anyone have any advice to help me get through this? Like I said, he cut me off from pretty much all of my friends so I'm probably going to have a hard time soon. Thanks everyone!

Tina


Edited 7/16/2004 12:06 am ET ET by tinytina07

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 11:17pm
Tina,

I think you did the right thing. Let him go, he seems like a very controlling and manipulative guy who also breaks all of his promises to you. You are very young and I am sure there are many of nice guys out there waiting for the chance for you to be free of that guy and go out with them. You sound like a decent girl and I think you have given him enough chances to get it together. He told you he hated you in the heat of anger. I can't imagine that you won't start feeling hatred towards him if you continue seeing him as he is at times cruel. Best of luck to you.