almost 9 years....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2004
almost 9 years....
2
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 11:57am
After almost nine years together, we knew that our relationship was hurting. Work, stress and lack of communication had led to us becoming little more than roommates. Personal reasons led me to move 1,000 miles away for awhile. I thought that the distance would make us realize what we stood to loose and make us both put forth more effort. We still love each other, but after a few months here, he told me that he had begun dating someone. I was devastated. He said he was lonely and confused and just wanted someone to be with. I said I wanted this to work. All of my dreams of a future and family are with this man and I feel that it's worth working hard for. We have since talked about what went wrong, what needs to be done and he is no longer seeing this other woman. Or so he tells me. When I asked him if he wanted to be with me, he said he was confused and needed time to figure things out about his life and us. This knocked the windd out of me. After all that we've been through, and all these years, I think that if you love someone and want to be with them, you either do or you don't . I can't help but feel like he's trying to keep me waiting until he decides if he wants to be with me or not. Now I feel so lost, and I feel like I don't know what to do next. I'm alone here with no friends and no one to really talk to. I love him. I'd do almost anything to work this out so we can be happy again, but I can't help but feel like it's the end of something that I worked so hard for and thought was right. Anyone with any advice about what I should do aat this point and where to go from here? We are planning to see each other in a month. Thanks so much for reading. I need all the help I can get at this point.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 2:25pm
Hello,

I really need to think about this one some more, but I didn't want to feel neglected! All I can say is to give him all the space and room he needs until you go out there. I'm sure once you are back together he'll realize how much he has missed you.

Almost 9 years and you aren't married? May I ask why you arent married? Would you like that commitment or does it matter to you?

Just think of this........9 years ago think back to the girl full of dreams you were. Would that girl want things how they are now? Now think of 9 years in the future would you be happy with how things are now? You really need to evaluate these things. I'll write more soon.

Best Wishes & It will be alright-

April

PS-He absolutely sounds confused, he may really not know how he feels about your relationship, because he is clouded by confusion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 7:59pm
((((Hugs))) I'm so sorry to hear about your relationship problems...I know you must be in a great deal of pain not to mention the confusion. I think the best thing you can do now is try to move on and live your life....don't wait around to see what he wants....he'll tell you when he's decided and then you can decide what to do but there is no sense in just pining away waiting for his decsion. Maybe go out and try to make new friends, take up a hobby, go shopping anything to keep your mind off of him...if only for a second...or at least to keep you from dwelling on him. Good luck and keep us posted!!













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