Having contact with my EX..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Having contact with my EX..
2
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 4:00pm
Hi- I am wondering what comes next.. My Ex and I are having contact... It is purely on him, I have not been contacting him at all. He calls me every 3 days or so - to say hi or wanting to Hang out.. Well a few of those times, I have seen him Which I KNOW is not good if I expect him to TRULY know about his feelings for me.... It is very tough- He even asked me just a few days ago: If we hang out does that mean we are tgoether? I told him you tell me , you are the one questioning it.. I just feel weird, and I feel like he wants to come back, it has not even been a full month... I think he likes his time alone- but then misses me..

what do I do about him?

CJ

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 9:12am
I just went through your same situation. After 5 months my ex contacted me and I caved. We proceeded with caution, not spending a whole lot of time together, but I guess I thought the time we spent together would build as time went on. Well, it didn't. It was like, yah, he missed me, but still wasn't ready to commit. You can go ahead and see what happens, so if anything you won't ask yourself the question "what if?" down the road. However, that's what I did and ended up getting my heart ripped open all over again. Just remember the old saying "you always want what you can't have".
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 11:20pm
situations like this are very tricky. when people say they want to stay friends afre a break up, what they really mean is "i dont want to be enemies" NOT "i want to be your very best friend". nobody wants to have bad blood and negativity with people, we want closure, and we want the loose ends tied up neatly. "lets stay friends" is a gesture of kindness, to ease the guilt on the dumper, to make the dumpee feel like they werent a meaningless unimportant fool. an initial no contact period is almost always necessary to be friends, the wounds are just too fresh if you try hanging out the next weekend or something.

yet the wounds are not necessarily closed for a long time, maybe not ever, but i dont know. my ex and i saw each other at a party 4 months after breaking up, and the 4 month period involved very little contact aside from a casual email here and there. after seeing each other at the party i felt like i reached closure. there was somethign about seeing him that way, realizing that i didnt want to be in a rleationship with him anymore, and being happy to see him but nor eally caring one way or another to be close to him--that feeling was GREAT after so many months of being miserable and missing him. i realized i was missing a memory of somebody who no longer exists--and maybe never did?

since seeing him at the party we exchanged a few emails. they've been very friendly and relaxed, not awkward. yet i know we have to be careful. in every email we write we say things like "call me if you want to hang sometime" or "we should check this out, i know we'd like it" although we certainly havent hung out since. does this mean we want each other again? i have NO idea. i think its more just saying the nice thing, trying not to be hurtful, making the other person know that they mattered to us, and that we havent forgotten them, that we dont want to say goodbye forever.

you have to be careful of reading too much into things. when your ex is contacting you it doesnt mean he wants to get back together. getting your hopes up is a sure fire way to get disappointed. and if you're wondering, deep down inside (as i fear IM wondering) if this contact will lead to something more...then you might not be ready for it yet.

just some of my own thoughts since im in the stage of trying to be friends with my ex too...