Preventing Contact

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Preventing Contact
5
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 10:50pm
Since he is online right now, I am posting to prevent me from messaging him. So this message may not make sense and might be abit rambling. I appologize for that in advance.

For some reason I really feel the need to contact him. This whole week has been like that. I cried this morning because all of a sudden I missed him so much. It's been two months and two weeks since the break up and I have moved on as best as I could. I started to not think about him so much and I didn't cry myself to sleep every night. This week was as if all my steps forward didn't happen. I know it's over. I've come to realize that. The shock of him looking for a new girlfriend has worn off. But right now when I saw that he was online, it hit me that he's probably talking to some woman and it bothers me. I have been chalking up my recent feelings to the rainy weather NYC has been having. I tend to be a bit depressed on dark, rainy days but today was beautiful. I want to move on. I even have been able to flirt with other men and consider going on dates again without being totally numb. I know I'm still healing, that I am still wounded. I am sitting here wondering if he knows I am online, if he cares, if he ever thinks about me, if he regrets what he did. I also know deep down that the answer is no and that I am no longer a part of his life and that he has moved on. I believe that he is a commitment-phobe and that when things got to real for him, he fled. This is a small comfort when one has a shattered heart. I have given him too much power, too much control over my life. Ever since the break up, my entire life has been consumed by pain and anguish. All of my friends say it's time to give it up...to let him go and I can't. I don't think I will be able to fully move on and put him in the past until I meet someone else and not in a rebound way either. I am scared to take a chance on someone because I can't handle being hurt agian. I am sick of being rejected and feeling less than worthy. I am in therapy and am getting help but it is a long hard road. Right now I just want to get through the night without contacting him. I am so sorry that this is rambling but I don't have a string of coherent thoughts right now. Thank you for reading this and listening to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 12:00am
Hi Lady, sorry you are feeling so low right now. I know exactly what you are going through. Fourth of July weekend was terrible for me. It was the 3 months mark, and I felt like you. I thought I should be further along than I was. Sure, I had had good days and bad days the preceeding months, But that weekend it almost felt like the breakup was fresh and new. I even started questioning my sanity. I took my daughter to the pool and sat on a lounge chair with tears streaming down behind my sunglasses.

But it got better, MUCH better. I just couldn't take the negative feelings anymore. I prayed to God to bring peace to my mind and forgiveness to my heart. A couple days later, I realized that the anger and resentment were gone. I don't know what happened. Maybe God answered my prayer. Maybe at 3 1/2 months it was just a natural course of things. All of a sudden I stop focusing on the hurt that he caused me, and started focusing on what I could do to ensure that my next relationship is healthy, mutually loving, and equitable. My focus is now on me, not him. Yes, I still think of him a lot. And I do still love him. It's not easy, I thought I had found the love of my life. But maybe there is something bigger and better waiting for us out there. You never know! ((hugs))

Lois

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 9:05am
Lois,

Thank you so much. I never did contact him. I wrote a letter to him that he will never read just venting my feelings. And than I went to bed. I feel better today but the nights have always been the hardest. I pray to God for strength, to not love him anymore, to take the pain away. I am sure that one day my prayers will be answered or I will have reached new point in this healing process. In the end I will survive because that is all that I can do. I will move in and live my life to the best of my ability. I keep saying that the right man is out there for me and no matter what I do God will put him in my path when we are supposed to meet. Until than I will keep posting to keep me from calling/emailing/messaging/texting him.

Kir

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 12:18pm
Since seeing him online is causing you so much pain, I think it's time to take him off your friends list so you don't have a constant reminder of him. I know that's a hard step, but I don't think you'll be able to move on until you take it.

If you're not ready to do that, you're not, but recognize that you're making a choice that's going to keep you stuck in a painful place.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2004
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 5:44pm
It definetly helps removing your ex lover from your list, all your lists, your phone, email, IM + delete all the messages in your phone as well as the emails...I did it and I really found it hard but I know its better for me.

But yes, do it when u feel ready for it.

I have been writing many letters to him at night and because I know I will never give them to him they are really honest, thats helps me a lot too to stop contacting him!

Good luck to all

Samantha

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 6:13pm
Thanks for posting your story. I've been trying to get out of the same situation you've been. I've been waking up every morning feeling worthless because I'm having a hard time with school and a career change but also with an unsupportive guy. I've gotten to the point where i recognize that we're not right for each other but I still feel so hurt when I think about him. I want to get to that point where I can wake up and have faith in myself and look forward to what i have to do but I can't do that.

For those of you who pray, do you have a special prayer you say. I pray every night but lately, my faith has been dwindling. Although I don't like it, I don't know what to do