WHY IS IT TAKING SO LONG?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2004
WHY IS IT TAKING SO LONG?
6
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 11:06am
Hi, all.

I haven't posted here much because my breakup was kind of pathetic compared to most. It was a month ago yesterday and there's been no contact save two and a half weeks ago when I went over to his place to return his stuff, and even then it was minimal contact.

My question is, since my relationship was only 5 months long and I broke up with him a month ago, why am I not over him yet?? It seems I think about him constantly, missing him, wanting to contact him. (On that note, I really appreciate the recent string of -no contact- postings from everybody. It's really helped me to stick to my guns.)

Everybody keeps saying that one day it just "goes away," and you don't hurt anymore. It isn't going away!! Does anyone have a scientific formula for me? I know it's not that simple, but I am sick and tired of this feeling. I know calling him won't make the hurt go away, but what will? I didn't expect the grief to go on for this long. Nothing feels the same anymore. Everything seems out of place, and it's only getting worse.

Somebody please give me a timeline, even if just for humor's sake. And thanks for being there everybody. This messageboard has been a godsend!

ML

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 12:10pm
I'm sure it seems like it's taking forever, but a month isn't enough time to expect to be "over" even a short relationship. I have found that the rule of thumb that it takes half the time you were in the r'ship to get over someone is pretty valid, especially for shorter r'ships. So, hopefully in another month and a half or so, you'll be feeling better (assuming you keep up no contact, and focus on accepting that it's over and that the two of you aren't right for each other).

Hang in there!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2004
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 12:34pm
Yes...

I didnt think it would be so hard either. We only had 4 months (!) seems like nothing but to me it meant everything and thats why it takes time to recover...I had many hopes and dreams about us and when it all goes wrong you need time to recover...I have really really good days but then I also have really bad days.I always go on here to read a bit about others and sometimes I must admit, I get a bit sick and tired off it all but it does really help.

I still want contact all the time as well, and my biggest hope is he will phone me or come to see me and tell me he made a mistake and wants to be with me!

I realize it will not happen but still......

I think I can only get over it when I meet another who I will fall in love with....that will happen, I'm quite sure!

I hope for you the same!

So irritating because we only had no contact for 3 days now.... we were still together (in bed) last week.... we split up about 5 or 6 times....but this time is for real.I know it...there is a day that you have said and done so many things to eachother that you just cant go back....unfortunatly...


Good luck to you!

Samantha

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Sun, 07-18-2004 - 12:18pm
ML

My relationship lasted only 7 months and it's been 2 months and 2 weeks since he broke up with me. I did wake up one morning and realized that I was ok. The only problem is that I now have relapsed and have all of those "I want him back" feelings. It's just a matter of time and patience (which I don't have much of). So just hang in there and take it day by day. And please don't feel like you shouldn't post here because you weren't in a long term relationship. The pain and hurt is still the same. I hurt more from this breakup than from the end of my 4 1/2 year relationship over a year ago.

LO

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 9:44pm
i know exactly how you feel, its been a month since my ex dumped me for another girl. i thiught the vrying was over but last nite i just felt sad all of a sudden, the sudden rush of loneliness and longing came back, i didnt know wut to do, but i guess i just survived the nite and woke up in the morning feeling empty as ever. but now its almost the end of the day and i have survived it again. they said there will be ups and sowns while trying to move on and i guess its really true. hang in there because ur not alone. just survive each day and take each day as it comes. one day when all the hurt is gone, happiness will replace the loneliness you feel. i believe in that because i too am longing for that day..keep on posting =)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 10:36pm
I'm sorry you're still hurting.....I know it's tough and there is no set timeframe of when you'll be over him. I guess this just goes to show you that it's not only the breake that gets hurt but the breaker hurts as well. I hope you pain goes away soon. We're all here though, if you need us!!













Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2004
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 10:46pm
monty,

Just hang in there. If you've read my posts, you know my story. 14 months, and I loved her to death...more than anything...but things went bad and she kept pushing for me to marry her (I'd have been her FOURTH) and I just wasn't ready...something just kept saying no inside of me...and finally she said she needed a "progressive" relationship...we were together at least five nights a week on average...and when she finally pulled the plug, it damn near killed me. BUT, after hearing her tell me point blank that she now loves the man she met 24 hours after we broke up...my heart is actually mending, as crazy as that sounds. KNowing that it is FINAL...that there is no hope...has given me the reason I needed to let it go...

It's still hard. It was a month ago today...BUT, ironically, today was the best day I've had in a MONTH. The knot in my stomach actually was much smaller..and I was able to concentrate on work...and actually got out and had some fun with friends tonight doing some volunteer work.

I know I'll miss her..and the lonely "pangs" will hit...and I know that sooner or later I'll run into her somewhere, probably with him....but honestly, I'll smile because even though it may kill me, I know that one day he's gonna be in the same ship I'm in.

Just breathe one breath at a time...take one step at a time..take one second at a time...and remember, you aren't alone...there's a bunch of people in the world going thru this same thing right now...and there have been MILLIONS before you go thru it....

Everything happens for a reason...and if this relationship didn't work, then it was because it wasn't meant to...better to hurt now, than to hurt after a marriage that failed...trust me..been there too! Hang in there!