How Do I Handle it?
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How Do I Handle it?
| Sun, 07-18-2004 - 9:39am |
I dated a guy for over three years and we had a baby together 9 months ago. Two weeks ago, he told me that he was leaving because he didn't want to be a daddy and he was going to live his own life for him. He has gotten back together with his ex girlfriend and now he is telling me that he wants to sign away all rights to our child. I know that he is doing this because of the girlfriend, but I don't know what avenue I should take with him. Our baby hasn't done anything wrong. But since I am asking him to not bring our child around the new girlfeind for now, he refuses to see him at all. I have told him that I would drop our child off at someone elses home so that he can see him, but he says I'm trying to get him back by calling all the shots. Do I let him sign away his rights without a fight? Is that what's best for our son? And if he signs away his right then do I have to change his name(he has his father's last name)? I think somewhere down the road he will regret this, but I don't know how to handle it. Any advise you have would be great!
Signatures On
| Sun, 07-18-2004 - 12:08pm |
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Heartbreak is hard enough when a child is not involved. So he doesn't want to be a father and wants to sign his right away. He is only hurting himself by throwing away this amazing gift of a child that was given to him. It's disgusting but you can't force him to be a father. If he truly doesn't want to be a part of his child's life, you have accept that. Your child will be better off without a father who doesn't want him/her. Trust me, I know what that feels like. You just make sure that as your child gets older he/she knows that you love him/her very much and that they did not do anything to make their dad not want to be around. I would also speak to a lawyer to find out what both of your rights are.
| Sun, 07-18-2004 - 12:41pm |
ITA with Ladyophelia -- The first thing you should do is contact a Lawyer. Not wanting to be a part of the child's life does not exclude him from his finacial reponsibilites. It is terrible that he is rubbing your nose in this renewed relationship and show incredible immaturity. However, I will tell you this -- if he gets visitation rights, you are not going to be able to control who he brings around this child. I understand your pain and anger, but the two of you need to learn how to be co-parents for this child. At the risk of sounding like Dr. Phil, you need to do what is in the best interest of the baby. Don't use the child as a means of controlling each other. The only one hurt in the end will be your child. It may be a surprise, but even men that are horrible husbands and/or partners can still be good fathers. Just remember, this is a situation that you will be dealing with for the next 18+ years. The best recourse is to come to a peaceful resolution. I will add that you should do NOTHING drastic that could affect the future of your child while you are still upset about the breakup. It may affect your judgement. Best wishes.
