I CANT GET OVER HIM! HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2004
I CANT GET OVER HIM! HELP!
4
Sun, 07-18-2004 - 11:22pm
Hey ivillagers, im 19 yrs old, and i recently broke up wit a longterm boyfriend- the reason for the breakup was that the relationship cooled down to a friendship, my ex and i are still very good friends..but the problem is i cant get over this other guy... ive known him since i was little but we lost touch when we were 6, and i re-met him a month ago through a friend of mine and we were both very very flirtatious the first two weeks we were talking...we talked online a lot. he obviously liked me and i liked him and we both knew it, but he didnt want to pursue anything because he needs to focus on school cuz his grades were so bad the semester before, but he did say he was very tempted to start sumthing wit us, so i was filled with hope. we only chilled together twice- both times at his house, just watchin movies, we were very flirty and on the second time we were kissing for a good hour. after the second time we chilled i asked him wat was goin on wit us, and he said that it was nuthing and that he still doesnt want to get into anything because of school. i was hurt but we still talked a little bit. a week later he tried to invite me over again and i told him that i dont know if i wanted to cuz i didnt want to go over just so we can makeout again and i go home sad and disappointed, cuz im looking for a relationship..not a fling. i guess he wanted me as a "hookup-buddy" and i turned him down, but now im here feeling very sad cuz i thought things wouldve worked out perfectly wit us, cuz it seemed that we both liked eachother but now i feel very alone and very very rejected...and now his away messages online keep saying things like "taking to a special sumone" or sumthing like that, so its obvious hes moved on with another girl. i know it must be silly to be so attached to sumone who ive only been talkin to for a month, but everything just kinda happened so fast, and i need to get over this guy, there is obviously no future for us, and i try taking him off my buddylist and not talking to him but he instant messages me sumtimes when im upset and stuff, so i cant entirely ignore him... i know this is all very confusing but if any of u can give me sum advice i would greatly greatly appreciate it!...thank u!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1997
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 4:06pm
If he can't give you what you want, need and deserve, then what's the point? Stop telling yourself that you can't get over him. You CAN, it just takes time.

Get busy, find other things to do and occupy your mind.

I would strongly encourage you to stop responding to his IMs. Just move on....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 11:48pm
Welcome to the board!! I know you must be hurting right now.....but we're here for you. I can't help but think this guy was using his school as an excuse to not get "involved" but I doubt it was the real reason. It sounds to me like he's trying to be a player and he has no desire to have anything more then a friend with benefits. He was fine to hang out and make out with you until you told him you wanted a relationship and now he doesn't want to hang out? I also have a feeling that he isn't with someone else but puts those away messages up just to make you upset...and maybe even jealous enough to come back to him on his terms---Don't fall for it....you'll only get hurt more in the long run and sacrifice a piece of yourself in the process. Good luck no matter what you decide to do and keep us posted!!













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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 12:02pm
wow....ur absolutely right... thank u so much for ur help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 12:09pm
oh yea and as for wat im planning on doing bout this situation...he is still off my buddylist, and he hasnt talked to me at all, so im just going to try to forget bout him and keep myself busy with friends. im also trying to stop talking about this situation with my friends cuz i realize now that whenever i keep talking about him it gets me in a really bad mood and i end up spending da rest of da nite wondering "wat if?". but i see now that i need to stop thinking that and that this guy was nuthing but a total player, and i definately learned a very helpful lesson from this situation...dont assume relationships are going to blosson when a guy u like happen to likes u, cuz he might only like u as a "hookup"...thank u again for ur advice