I broke the no contact rule...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2004
I broke the no contact rule...
3
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 8:42am
Last night, I had a very very weak moment and I broke the no contact rule. I know, it's a big NO NO...but now, I am glad I did.

The conversation was mostly civil, with me asking if she thought there was any chance for one more try. She told me no, that she was in a relationship and that she loved him and he loved her. (After only ONE month). Hearing that, it made me realize several things...but mostly that there is no reason for me to keep hoping that she will call as she said her intentions were to never come back to what we had. There were plenty of other things said too, including the statement that I made that I don't understand how you fall out of love with someone that you have said you will need forever, yadda yadda yadda, and in four weeks claim to be in love with someone else. Not that it matters, but I think she has her feelings confused and it makes me wonder how long her feelings were confused for me, know what I mean?

I know that I can't change her...and there is no reason to even keep worrying about her. Although I miss her and yes, for whatever reason I still love her, I know that now it is really really over and there is no reason to hang on to hope. Will that make it easier? I certainly hope so in some way.

This was always one of the red flags in our relationship...that she was able to move in and out of relationships and even marriages with relative ease. One that I always had in my mind, and was aware of, but one that I thought maybe would be different with me. But, I've always known you can't change people, they can only change themselves. So anyway..thats where it is at.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 10:10am
Hi alone, I'm sorry for your hurt. I think it is good that you contacted her to hear her blunt honesty. It will help you in the long run. She is not ready at all in her life for a real loving and lasting relationship and you said it yourself, you can't change her. I know you still care for her and it is so hard to let it go. I don't have anything to help make it better accept know that you will love another and the hurt you feel is going to go away.

I was wondering this morning how and if I will ever let go, and I guess I'm still not sure, but I take some comfort knowing that I'm not the only one who feels like this. Thanks for sharing and I wish the very best for you, hang in there.

C

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2004
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 3:13pm
In a way its a crap step, but its a big step forward that you realise its not going to work out anymore. Also its her mistake to let you go, and it may help to think to yourself she will look back one day and regret letting you go,but by then you are long over her and happy by yourself or with someone else. Just keep that in your mind!

Also it may be good to see that the NO CONTACT rule not always is the best...I would say follow your heart not your head...

Samantha

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 11:55pm
I'm sorry your converstion didn't go better but at the same time I'm glad that you're seeing things for what they are.....seeing her for who she is and knowing that what you had can never be again. If this helps you then I to am glad you called....sometimes it takes that slap in the face to bring you to reality. Good luck on the rest of your healing.....we're here to help if you need us.













Photobucket