I saw the EX

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
I saw the EX
5
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 7:42pm
Hello,

On Saturday my ex called me to ask if I mailed his spare car key back to him and I said no, I will put it in the mail on Monday. So he says I would rather have you bring it by so it doesn't get lost in the mail. I havn't seen him since the day I left the house when he was at work because he became very abusive and just crazy twords me.

Anyways I went over there and took him the key and turned around to walk out, and he said wait I want to show you some things. So he took me on a house tour and was showing me the things he bought for the house since I left and then he wanted me to see his new bed ! Now why would I want to see it ? I said I didn't want to but he insisted. So after that I got up to leave and he handed me my mail and I walked out.

I looked really good when I went over there on top of that I have lost 25 pounds since the break up and he hasn't seen me, I am also really really tan, which he commented on.

My question is, how can he go from hating me trying to kill me, to being nice acting like we were old buddies, especially wanting to show me the new bed ! He even pointed out the holes he put in the wall from throwing my things around ?

It has only been three weeks since I left and I was just wondering what everones take was on the situation. Does he want me back, was he trying to make me jealous, what ? thanks ladies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: marie224
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 11:00pm
Welcome to the board!!! Congratulations for getting out of your abusive relationship...I know that took a lot out of you. Personally I wouldn't have taken the key to him....but that's just me. I'm glad to know he didn't try anything. From what I've seen and heard most abusive guys have a whole control issue and it sounds like he's trying to prove he's changed to get you to come back.....if that's the case PLEASE don't buy in to it because it's only a matter of time before he's back to his old self.....and it could even get worse! Just don't let his charm fool you. 25 lbs is a lot of weight to lose in 3 wks so be careful and if the rapid weight loss doesn't stop...please see a doctor. I hope you decide to stick around. Good luck and keep us posted!!













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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2004
In reply to: marie224
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 2:45pm
As a guy, to me it sounds to me like he is missing you and that he was probably trying to show you he'd changed in an effort to get you back into a bad relationship that you broke free from. You took control of the situation when you left...and this was his subtle way to try to take some of the control away from you. But, despite all the new stuff you saw, what I find most striking is you still saw the holes in the wall where he'd thrown your stuff in fits of rages. Not a new bed, not the fact that he finds you more attractive as a tan beauty who has dropped 25lbs and despite the fact that he was Mr. Nice Guy when you were there this time, you still saw those HOLES in the wall. As hard as it is, you are doing right by moving on with your life because the next woman that comes along that he gets involved with is just going to add to the totals of holes in his walls because he is not going to change from that kind of behavior until he gets some real help. I don't mean to be cruel....what you did took courage...and it took courage to even step back into his place....but remember those holes in the wall!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
In reply to: marie224
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 4:10pm
He pointed out the holes to me, he said " your holes are still there" and then I said "yeah it could have been my head" and then he said " yeah it could have been" and then the conversation changed quickly.

I will never ever forget the holes in the wall, the important things of mine he broke that I can not ever replace, the bruises on my arms and legs, the heartache I had when he cheated on me twice and the numerous lies he told me throughout the past 18 months.

Thanks everyone for your advice, and I didn't loose the 25lbs in 3 weeks, it took 7 weeks, it was 3 weeks since I moved out, sorry for the confusion.

" Don't let other people control the way you feel."

Cheers !




iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
In reply to: marie224
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 8:21pm
I think it takes a strong person to do what you did and I admire you for that. I agree with some of the other statements made, after he saw you looking better than ever he probably wanted to try to "hook up" with you, thinking you would just forget about everything that happened. Guys can be really stupid sometimes, I've noticed that most of the time they do some of the meanest, cruelest things and then the next day they act as if nothing happened, because they can't handle being wrong or taking the blame for anything. But you are soooooooooo much better off now, don't ever go back to that jerk.


??? By the way, how did you lose 25 lbs. in 7 weeks? Just curious.

Best of luck to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
In reply to: marie224
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 1:09pm
I lost the weight cause after we broke up we lived together for 3 weeks and I didn't eat alot like I used to when I was in the relationship, I had a bunch of stress so I went to the gym everynight and worked out for 3 hours just to get away from his abuse and out of the house so he couldn't fight with me anymore.

I was just determined to become a better person and get back to the woman I want to be and the person I know I am. I think every woman who is in a abusive relationship looks in the mirror and doesn't even know who she is anymore. That happened to me and I decided to take myself back, I wasn't going to let him win or change me for the worse, I am not the person I was when I was with him, he brought out the worst in me and I never want to be that way again.

I just think, the abuse, the pain, the worries everything doesn't exist anymore cause I am not with him, I left him, I took control of my life and I left and becuase of that he can't hurt me anymore in anyway. Good luck.