Is there 'The One' for everybody?
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Is there 'The One' for everybody?
| Wed, 07-21-2004 - 2:25am |
I just broke up with a boyfriend that in my mind was perfect for me..the only downfall was that we live in different countries
i already posted my little story but i got a reply from haley420000 who mentioned that 'the one', the soulmate, doesnt really exist. i just wanted to see what everybody's opinion on this was. the way i see it, it might be true..but, i don't know if you will agree with me on this, there isn't an abundance of quality men out there (or maybe im looking in the wrong places). so, when you finally find the one that you love everything about, the one that is smart, funny and all around a good person (and isn't taken), how do you let go?
i already posted my little story but i got a reply from haley420000 who mentioned that 'the one', the soulmate, doesnt really exist. i just wanted to see what everybody's opinion on this was. the way i see it, it might be true..but, i don't know if you will agree with me on this, there isn't an abundance of quality men out there (or maybe im looking in the wrong places). so, when you finally find the one that you love everything about, the one that is smart, funny and all around a good person (and isn't taken), how do you let go?

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Personally, I don't believe there is only ONE person for someone. Of the billions of people in this world, do you really think there is only ONE person you're meant to be with? I believe that you can "click" better with certain people, and I believe that there's more than just ONE perfect person out there for you. Its all just a matter of timing. And when you find a person that you think is "the one", but they don't feel the same way, obviously, they're not it. I think this is all just a stupid cliche movies and the media place in our heads that when we meet that "special person" sparks will fly, you'll feel magic, etc. Life doesn't work that way. Chances are, when you meet "the one" you won't even really know it until it works out.
My boyfriend of practically 2 years broke it off a few months ago because he didn't think i was "the one". I was RIGHT for him he said, but he didn't think i was "the one" he was supposed to marry, etc. He said the butterflies he had for me when we first met were no longer there, and he just didn't get anxiety when he saw me anymore. He said all he felt with me was comfort, and trust. (what?!?!?!) SO as you can see, he's dilusional. He's watched one too many movies, and he threw our relationship away based on some joe schmo who told him there is only ONE girl out there for him, and when he meets her, he'll get giddy, butterflies will flutter for the rest of his life, and he'll start to see birds and hear wedding bells.
So no, I do not think there is "the one." I think people who think that are simply using that as a term to describe the person they're with. A divoriced person will tell you before the divorice "he/she is the one for me"... but alas, they got divoriced didn't they?? Guess they weren't "the one" after all :P It just a term thats thrown around far too much.
ok, that was idiotic reasoning but i still had to write it :)
in any case, you probably are right but I would still like to believe in the whole soulmate thing..not to say that it should be wedding beels all the time, roses and butterflies etc. bt i think that you can make all kinds of relationships work but then, there is this one kind where you dont have to work as hard, where love comes easy and where the rutine never takes its toll on the relationship.
im probably a romantic fool
No, you are not a romantic fool..! Everything you are saying on this board, I am agreeing with, so far (I dont think I have read everything because to be honest, you did write a hell of a lot:))
Anyway, I like your way of thinking (its probably European;)) and I can see you are a smart person who knows a lot...(not everything, you still have to learn, like me) But...how come you can give such good advice to everyone (not that they listen or anything) and still you are in a messy situation yourself...I dont think you need help here to be honest, I have this strong feeling you can do it all by yourself (I feel that also for myself, still i am on here sometimes, but thats to keep myself occupied you know)!
And now I am gonna phone the ex boy, just for a friendly chat, nothing more...lets see what happens!
Love from Samantha, Dutch girl
I hope your bf knows that he is in for a loooooooooong wait! :)
thanks, yeah, no he doesn't know he's in for a looooooooooong wait. I do though.
I tried explaining to him, that even though im young and OBVIOUSLY inexperienced, life still doesn't work the way he thinks it does. Life isn't like the movies. He thinks as soon as you meet this person you're gonna grow old and die with, you'll know RIGHT THAT MINUTE. Which is NOT true. I honestly believe that its a crock when people tell you they knew this was the guy/girl they were gonna marry when they met them. NO ONE knows that. Sure, you might get a "feeling" telling you that, but 9 times out of 10, it's not gonna happen. It takes time to know another person, takes time to love them (the deep love married people share), time to grow and learn together, and time to reach that point in the realtionship where you feel nothing but trust and comfort. It takes time for things to "work out" and for pieces to fall into place. I'm a firm believer in that. I don't think you know the instant you meet someone that they're going to be in your life forever.
Life is not a cinderella story, and prince charming/cinderella is not waiting for you. I believe you need to work for what you want, and you need to work to keep it. He didn't. And this is the ONLY reason our relationship fell apart. We didn't have any bigger issues, and we never faught. He was a dreamer and idealistic, whereas im a go getter and realistic. Yes i believe some relationships need more work than others, but ALL relationships go through bumpy roads, and the relationship is constantly tested. Its just a matter of how the 2 people pull through it together. The ones that are less work aren't necessarily the ones that will work out, mainly because i believe that THAT couple, wouldn't know how to work together on tougher issues when they arrive. Does this make sense? :)
I dont know. I too once thought there was just one person out there for me. But after this relationship, everything is possible, but nothing is what it seems.
i know, im all over the board..probably because it happened just 3 days ago so im still obsessing..but let me tell you, of all the replies i got, i like this one you just sent the best :)
haha, i like ur way of thinking too..im planning to call ex on Sunday..i think by then things will settle down enough. I went from not eating or sleeping on monday, to sleeping on tuesday to eating chocolate yesterday so i think im getting better ;) and even though it sounds real good, the thing about us being strong, i think we are..posting here and reading is a nice way to waste some time at work though
hey, you know what i was thinking..i really dont feel like going through the whole process of trying to find somebody or better yet somebody finding me all over again. And then getting to know them, play the little games..im really not into it. Why do ppl complicate things so much..when you find smbdy you click with just freaking go with it, make yourself stay with them damnit! :) yea, jk..
you know, my ex used to date a dutch girl :)
where exactly are you from? Do you study in the States, moved there or have been living there all ur life but have European roots? I'm from Croatia, ex is from France. Maybe thats why its hard to let go, him living in Paris..as I said somewhere else, it would be much easier if he was from Iraq :)
I know what you mean when u say that you dont feel like going trough the same thing again, thats probaly normal to feel that way in the beginning. But remember when you first fell in love? It was really nice then wasnt it......so probably in the future we will go trough it all again!
Anyway, I dont live in the States, I live in the Netherlands (Den Haag)! I am on this board cos my way of thinking with this break-up is in English, cos we talked English to eachother. And I lived in england for 3 years, had an English b/f for 4,5 years before this one..
I think we should try to enjoy being single again..yes I know, its hard...!
Ok enough, I am gonna have to go now
Speak to you soon again
Samantha
Although I do see your point of view, I don’t think that there is ONE person out there. I think there are many people out there can that make us happy to varying degrees. I think we have this obsession with having something last forever. I think we are hardwired to look for something secure and stable. By telling ourselves that that one person is THE one, we can be happy knowing that we’ll never have to be alone again. We’ll never have to put ourselves out there and get disappointed. Once you’ve found the one person you were meant for, now you’re supposed to live happily ever after. Somehow I just don’t buy that. I may be jaded, but when I was younger I used to believe in love at first sight, true love, the one, etc… I don't know when my views changed, but now I am living with my eyes wide open. I know that perhaps I’ll end up alone. I may get married. I may get divorced. A relationship takes hard work. And by believing that there is only one person out there for you simplifies things. If you could meet everyone in the world, do you think you would only find real love with one of those people? Of course not.
Anyhow, those are just my 2 cents. I wish I could believe that there was someone out there just for me and only me. It is a great thing to believe…but knowing my luck, he is already out there loving someone else :)
it's just that i am so picky, it takes me forever to fall in love with somebody and even when i do i get tired of it all pretty quickly..and this one time everything seemed quite 'perfect'..well except for the fact that he didn't think this way too :)
yoiu are completely right though..and still, it is so nice to believe in destiny, 'meant to be' and 'the one'. maybe ill open my eyes with age but i hope that i will alwys have this little place in my heart where i will be waiting for one..im a mazohist, what can i say :)
thanx for sharing!
btw, how old were/are you both?
i spoke to my ex in english too..I'm croatian though...I actually think there's some croatian guys over there in den haag right now that will probably be enjoying netherlands' jails for quite some time :)
yea, falling in love was nice..but im afraid there's not any cute, smart, funny, single French (ok fine, European) guys out there left. And i dont feel like trying to find any and im tired of being all cutsy..it is just difficult to get used to being single again, you know? It is nicer when you are with somebody
btw, one last question..i thought of calling my ex on sunday which is within a week of breaking up...does that sound reasonable? He said I should when im ready and I feel like ill be over him by then
ok, talk to you later!
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