What is going on with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2003
What is going on with me?
3
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 1:14am
I think that some of you may remember me (I use to be with the verbally abusive guy who asked for money all the time and when he didn't get it the abuse would start. The one who lied to me and messed with other females behind my back, had other girlfriends and met girls off of the internet too. The guy who is a felon and tells me I'll be nothing in life because he is going overseas in March 2 play football).

Well on September 13th he instant messaged me and asked me was I going to send him 950 dollars so he could get a tv for his car. I told him I cared about him but hated how he messed with girls behind my back and he was going to take that money and spend it on other girls. He said if I cared about him I would give him money and if I did give him money, everything between us would be good and I could be his girlfriend. Then after agruing he said I'm not a friend, I'm just "someone hating on the dirty." He also told me to leave him alone and not to talk to him until I give him money.

It's been 2 weeks and 2 weeks later the urge tto be with him is so strong. I haven't talked to him in two weeks. I deleted him from my buddy list but it's not helping. I end up putting him back on. I talked to a counselor but she did absolutely nothing. She told me things I already knew.

Am I experiencing ebb and flow? A major part of myself hates him...that's the part that wouldn't give him the money. Then that small part wants to go back to him. Same bu.sh. if I go back.

I like my friend but I don't even want to be with him because I keep thinking about Mr. Money. Also, I noticed that when I go out to parties I don't think about him. But I can't go to parties everyday!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 12:22pm
It's hard dealing with a break up, and of course you're going to miss him, but a guy who will only be with you if you give him $$$??? Are you kidding me?? What a jerk! He sounds like the type who will take the money and break up with you the next day. You can do so much better. You say you don't think about him when you're out. Do you think you just miss being in a relationship? for the longest time after me and my fiance broke up, I thought I missed him. Then I looked back, realized things weren't so great, and knew all I really missed was being in a relationship. Don't waste your money or your time on this one, sweetie. You can do way better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 12:41pm
Now listen BabyGirl!! It seems to me that you are trying to fill a void that this ass hole could never fill. (Can I curse on this??) Lets be real, this guy is what you call a "scrub", yeah he may be good-looking and look fly, have a nice car etc. but he’s using nice, women like you to get it. He doesn’t buy his belongings he makes other women think the only way they will belong is if they buy it for him. What do they call those guys? Oh, yeah LOSERS!!! You have no business with this guy at all and you know you are wasting your time, for the simple fact that you question it. Somewhere inside you, you know its wrong. Okay now that that’s out of the way, lets focus on the real problem. And its you baby girl. You need to spend time on yourself, forget men, and even parties for a second. It goes back to that old saying "There is no way you can truly love someone without truly loving yourself!" Do you love yourself babygirl? And I don’t mean you like the dress you are wearing today, so you feel pretty and yeah you love yourself. I mean really love yourself, know what you have to offer, know what you want and if you cant find it one place you keep on looking, because you know what you deserve, and you wont settle for less, and you absolutely don’t care what anyone says. Because if you did you wouldn’t waste a single glance on this loser your dealing with now. Are you his pimp, babygirl? Then why the hell would you have to provide for him? He says you’re not his friend if you don't? That makes plenty sense...yeah right?? Lets focus on yourself babygirl, your qualities, why your friends love you, and most importantly why you love yourself. And start with the inside. Good Luck and let me know how the self-voyage goes. And remember parties and men will always be there, take care of home first! (And that’s you baby girl)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 1:54pm
Listen to yourself! Re-read your own letter! This guy has got to be the worst I've read about on these pages! Get a restraining order against the creep, do everything you can to STOP every bit of contact. Use your money on YOU! Keep going to therapy (get a different therapist if you need to...they're not all good) because it will help you learn why you choose to hang on to people who treat you so badly. Take a class that interests you, volunteer somewhere, improve your career situation, learn a new skill or hobby, hang out with family or friends if you can. If you can't, it's better to be alone than to be with the slimeball you just described. Please, please, don't show such disrespect for yourself and cave into his demands. Cut him off now and forever. Move if you have to. I mean it!