support or advice please...
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support or advice please...
| Mon, 09-27-2004 - 12:33pm |
Just broke up with my boyfriend about 2 hours ago... I think. I have no idea what we're doing or what I feel about it. On the one hand, I knew he wasn't exactly good to me at times, and that we had our problems. But on the other, we were good friends before we got together, and have a lot worth working for (I thought, but who knows these days). Things had gone badly over the last couple weeks. I'd brought it up a few times and we'd had our chats-- he feels responsible, says he 'doesn't feel he's doing right by me', that he's not nice enough to me. He needs to sort the rest of his life out as well, I know this and so does he because he's generally unhappy. But he's also my best friend. Do we have to go through everything alone?
Now, after spending the past night and day (so much for work...) together talking things over, I think we've just broken up. Well, officially we're just taking time off, but how do you know whether in that time off you genuinely want someone back or you're just missing them for that hole they fill in your life/time? How do you know if they're worth working for? And how can I convince him I am if it turns out he is to me???
Very confused, and definitely hurting. Wish I could call my best friend to give me a hug, but I can't anymore. Please give support or advice if you can-- I've been very lucky, and never really been hurt or had a bad relationship before, never had a confusing/complicated break-up.

Take care.
Sorry to hear about your break-up. It sounds like you definitely need some time apart. And I think in time you'll know whether or not you want him back, or he's worth working on the relationship for, based on what HE does.
I hear a lot more negative in your post than positive..... he wasn't exactly good to you at times, things have been bad the past few weeks, he says he doesn't feel he's doing right by you.... well what is he willing to do about that? Has he said what kind of changes he's willing to make? You shouldn't have to convince him of anything. He should want this relationship as much as you do & be willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.
And I understand about wondering whether you miss them, or just feel somewhat "empty" by the space in your life they no longer fill. I think in time you'll know. Sometimes that emptiness is better than being treated badly... & you soon realize that you can spend your time in a much more positive, healthy & happy way!
Take care
He did call a few times but left no message and when he did get in touch with me, (after 6 weeks) he apologized for the terrible things he said to me the night we broke up. He said I was right about a lot of things and he is changing his ways. He never said he wanted me back and I assumed he didn't. He called me one night to tell me he was bored and lonely. That doesn't mean he is missing me, it means he was making a booty call!!
Anyway, I made the break because I felt he wasn't right for me. Just because I am lonley doesn't mean that all the things he did no longer exist. We did have fun together and he was always very affectionate. But the fact was, he just wasn't right for me. If someone isn't right for you, then stop wasting your time and theirs. It has taken some time for me to stop thinking about the good times, but the fact remains he's not begging me to come back and I'm not calling him. I also know that it is his loss. He told me I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. I belive that to be true. I'm alone now, but I think I'm better off that way for now. It means that I can work on some of my issues and clear my path for someone who is right for me.
You have to ask yourself, If he came back, would it be the best thing for you or would it just be a temporary fix? All the reasons you broke up would still be there. I'm biting the bullet, working through my loneliness and looking forward to living my life free of someone who wasn't right for me.
Just wanted to thank you for all your advice & commiseration. I'm feeling alot better now, and it's only one day after! I am hoping things will get even better as time goes on. Am making sure to keep my life busy in the meantime.
You're right-- there was a lot of negativity in that post, but you have to remember that negative things cause break-ups (or time off, whichever). Positive things are what kept us together and what made us good friends, and I hope we can get them back somehow, whether as friends or as part of a relationship. But the fact is, I still miss him and I hope things work out one way or the other.
I'll probably see him on thursday, so wish me luck.