Why is it so easy for him to dismiss me

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
Why is it so easy for him to dismiss me
3
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 3:52am
Well my ex and I have been broken up for 3weeks this coming up thursday,I did something that I probably shouldn't have which was see him last Tuesday. Well, it felt good to see him for him to hold me and kiss, and although even at that moment half of me was saying you know this is a bad choice the other part of me was saying shut up it feels good to have him close again. While both sides of me where going at it my ex and I where too, and it just felt right, but then he startd talking about going to his house and all this and i was like noooooooooooooooo way. For that moment it felt like we where back together and everything was normal he told me how much he missed me and that he loved me and it just felt soo right. Ok so he started calling me like everyday like a couple of times a day, and I wondered why he just started calling me so much suddenly that I begin thinking and before I knew it he was telling me excatly what I wanted to know.... without me saying a word, the other girl that he was talking to was giving him some trouble, and so basically he was coming back to his security blanket good old lynn... Well that hurt, bad which I felt like it would because it was bad a choice to see him and then to start accepting his phone calls, but anyway so now where at this wierd point where he feels the need to tell me about what's going on with this other girl and I am like what the heck, where not friends, and I have no intention of being his friend. That made me mad so basically whenever anyone calls or anything he puts me to the back burner leaving me out in the cold, and it hurts. He called me and although he said he was just kidding he said this to me.. He was talking about maybe going out again and then in mid converstation he says.. I don't know if your worthy of goinh out with me and so I said some curse words, and then he said I was just kidding... He also told me not too long ago, while in converstation about relationships, he was like well you where never married so you have always been single and I was like what the heck, I told him well no I was not married to you but I definitly felt like i was in a commited relationship, I guess I was in it alone thanks a lot and he says no I felt like I was in a relationship too..after.. I was like what's up with this joker.. I dont know I feel like I am healing because I don't feel hurt so much anymore but I think for some reason that i just gave myself a false since of hope and I am not back to ground zero again... so I am looking for the pain to come again and even stronger this time... I dont know what to do , because I feel like if I ask him for no contact again then I will want to contact him before he would even attempt to contact me because he is involved in talking to someone, any advice on getting back on the healing process and getting rid of my zero, so I can get a real hero.....this hole thing sucks big time...

Lynn

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:27am
You're so easily dismissed.....because you present him with offers, opportunities, options, benefits, convenience, ease and comfort - while requiring nothing of him except to have his needs and wants met as per his demands by "good old Lynn".

He's treating you - precisely how you regard you - as evidenced by your actions regarding him.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:57am
I completely understand. Its so hard to care about someone so much that even despite the fact that their not in your life like you want them to be and of course you tell yourself they don’t deserve to be in your life, you allow them to contact you. You put up with hearing them joke about very sensitive topics, about you and him, your feelings, etc. and you feel as if you were the only one effected by the break up. Now, I don’t know all the details but this man doesn’t seem like he’s worth your time at all, and I mean not even a second! Not to tell you about his new girl, the problems they have, his work issues, NOTHING! You seem like your at a point where you've had enough, you know that if you needed him he wouldn’t be there to listen about you and other guys, your issues, come one lets be real here. But you have all this love and care for him that you don’t mind hearing about how he’s doing, even if it has nothing to do with you and all he talks about is some other female. Now you know yourself he’s not worth your time, and you said you don’t want to tell him to lose contact with you because then he wouldn’t contact you. So you mean that he’s only using you as a diary, he doesn’t want to really be involved in your life? It makes no sense to me. I would stay away, because he doesn’t seem worth it. By you kissing and making up, you and I know it wont do any good. I went years back and forth with a man from my past, and all the make ups, falls outs, did no good for me and only tore me apart when we were apart. Worry about yourself, you have enough on your plate, you don’t have time for a man who apparently hurt you, but clearly has moved on for the simple fact that he is with another female. You don’t have time to accept calls from him whenever he has an issue or is bored and has nothing better to do then run your ear off...its not worth your precious time. Life is too short sweetheart...live it wisely!
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 4:12pm
I'm sorry you got tricked into going back to him, sort of. But it sounds to me like he's the same old jerk he was before. You need to be firm and you really need to make it stick this time, Lynn. Tell him you have too many feelings for him to continue to see him in anything other than a 100% committed and exclusive relationship. You deserve a man who is there for you 24/7 with all of himself, fully committed, Lynn. You deserve at least that. You also deserve someone who doesn't make cute little jokes about your worthiness. That's really mean and inappropriate in my opinion.

You were doing so well, and you can get back to where you were if you just start NC and let the real healing begin. Walk away and don't look back. He's had plenty of chances to be the man you wanted him to be. He blew it every time. You deserve better and you won't get it while you remain stuck on him.