Please help me with my boyfriend problem
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Please help me with my boyfriend problem
| Tue, 09-28-2004 - 1:06pm |
What would you do if you love your boyfriend very much and he was really sweet and nice when you met him. You have been going out wit him for one year and everything is going GREAT until suddenly he starts to change. He says isnt sure if he loves you. To add on to that everyday you have to listen to him talkin about how he isnt sure if you are the one for him and that he might want another girl. He isnt sweet and lovin anymore sometimes he acts cold and he treats you like crap. You have tired EVERYTHING possible to help him. You have been there for him supported him even if it hurts you deeply to hear him say he doesnt kno if you are the one. Everyday you get hurt emotionaly cause of this you give him all your love and time and always try to be there and he doesnt seem to appriciate it or understand how GREAT your being to him. You feel like NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO he always says " what if there is someone better". What would you do? Would you dump him or not?

Please, please, please DON'T do what I did and try to hold onto nothing. It sounds like your boyfriend has been telling you horrible things--like how he might want someone else, how he isn't sure he loves you, that there could be someone better than you. Why would you put up with that crap?!
Of course, it's easier said than done...I'm ashamed now to say that I put up with my ex's bs for such a long time. He used to tell me that he knew I was "the one" and that he loved me so much...but when he met a new girl, he started telling me that he wasn't sure anymore if I really was the one, etc. Like you, I did everything possible to show that I cared about and really loved him, and that I wanted to work things out...and every day I regret that I wasted so much of my time and energy doing that--because it turns out he didn't deserve it.
I let my ex keep me on the back burner while he was trying to figure out if he could trust this new girl...he was keeping me around just to feed his ego and as something to fall back on if his new relationship didn't work out. I even found myself telling him that he could spend a week with her, that I'd come visit afterwards, and then he could choose between us....ugh, I'm disgusted with myself for saying that now! Luckily I never did it...he never really gave me the opportunity. After he ended up picking her, I felt miserable...like a failure, that I hadn't done everything I could to make him love me. But I've come to realize that it wasn't MY fault...that I couldn't make him love me, or want to be with me (or even be friends, but that's a different story)...
I've recently stopped having any contact with him, and believe me...it's done wonders for my self-esteem and pride. You even said yourself that you're getting emotionally hurt daily...please, this obviously isn't healthy for you. I urge you to stop all contact and move on...you can't force him to believe that you are the one and that he loves you...you shouldn't have to! If he still believes there's someone better out there, then give him the opportunity to try and find that out. In the end, it'll be his loss...
Please don't settle for someone who doesn't really want you...you will find someone more deserving and will be much happier in the end, I promise. Good luck...be strong, and take care of yourself before you take care of him for once.
"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
"Wait for the person who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of person who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person."
The one thing I've realized, from seeing a similar thing happen to a friend and I guess to myself recently, is that there is nothing you can do to change the situation. My friend's bf kept telling her the same thing - that he loved her but wasn't sure if she was the one. And I was dating a guy for about two months when he recently decided that he has to go try and work things out with his ex-fiance, despite the fact that I treated him wonderfully and he wouldn't have changed a thing that I did.
The point is that the guy has to figure out what he wants and the best thing you could do for him and yourself, is to walk away from the situation. It is a difficult thing to do, but hanging on will not do anything for your pride or your emotional state. If you have tried everything, told him how you felt about him, the only thing you can do now is to leave those emotions with him and let him do as he pleases with them. It's the best that you can do. Forcing him to stay with you will only breed resentment and he may end up staying with you out of obligation and not love. That is something you don't want.
What you need to do is tell him that you love him very much and that you wish you could be together, but that you need to find someone who is going to love you the way you deserve to be loved. Tell him you need to find someone YOU can be sure about, because you're just not sure he's the one for you. And let's be clear on this, any man who tells you he's not sure about is someone you should NOT be sure about yourself.
Leave him or you'll just feel worse every day and be all broken up before it finally ends. It doesn't matter how sweet and nice he was in the beginning. What matters is how he is acting now, and the way he's acting now it sounds like he wants to leave you but doesn't have the balls to do it so he's giving you hints ...