He wrote me this email..

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
He wrote me this email..
15
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 11:41pm
My ex wrote me this email....

LOOK BABE, ONCE AGAIN, I DIDN'T CHOOSE TO BE SINGLE OVER BEING WITH YOU, WHAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ABOUT THAT SH**? I WANTED TO SEE HOW I WOULD BE ABLE TO MANAGE ON MY F-ING OWN. LOOK, YOU ARE MY BABY, I LOVE YOU, AND ONLY YOU, I JUST NEED SOME DAMN TIME TO SEARCH MY INNER BEING YOU HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO THAT IN YOUR LIFE, I HAVEN'T, WHY DEPRIVE ME OF THAT? AS FAR AS THE OTHER WOMEN THEN YES, I WENT OUT LAST NIGHT, YOU DO NOT NEED TO KNOW ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT THAT. YES, I LOVE YOU, YES I WANT YOU BACK- SOMETIME, BUT JUST GIVE ME SOME DAMN TIME, IF YOU CAN NOT DO SO THEN I DO NOT KNOW IF I CAN BE WITH YOU, SINCE YOU WOULDN'T RESPECT ME ENOUGH TO DO THAT FOR MAYBE 2 MONTHS OR SO, AND THATS BULLSH**. AFTER 4 YEARS OF BEING TOGETHER YOU WILL NOT ALLOW ME THE TIME TO BE BY MY GOD DAMN SELF.

I just wanted some insight on anything at all that should be said back to him in response to this email..or what anyone just thinks period about it... I will add that I never asked him anything about any dates he had when where or how.. I never asked.. I never asked him to get back with me or anything.. all I said is that it was ok.. he didn't have to go out with me since he felt the need to be rude and tell me I was not worthy kidding or not... it was hurtful, I never cursed at him or anything else..I didnt ask him about our relationship or pressure him into getting back together.. so any input on what would be good to say to him or if a response is a good ideal or just thoughts on this rude ass email......

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 11:52pm
Well if you really love him it depends. That was a harsh emil. I would start out bye telling him that if he really needed some time to himself that all he had to do was tell you nicely and you guys can do something like me and my bf like once a week he hangs out with his freinds and i hang out with my friends so that way we dont fell that way.. he almost he has a problem like me he waits until the last minute to tell you and it is too late he is already gone i have done that many times to my current bf and to my ex i would not worn them of my fellings and then one day i would just dump them because i got tired of something.. tell him that the emial was a little harsh and if he really loved you he would have found a nice way to say it
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 3:30am
He's a jerk! Read between the lines...he even acknowledges dating other women but OH! You don't need to know a thing about that! (i.e. he's having sex or planning to have sex with them and it's none of your business because it's his "free time"). Wanting space as an individual is one thing (for self-reflection, career or educational reasons), but he just wants a little "strange" and expects to get it and have you waiting without consequences when he's had enough. Please don't fall for this. Do you really want to have a long-term relationship with a cheater? It's not fun, and it's one of the most painful torments a heart can be subjected to. Establish no contact now...hopefully you haven't responded to his temper tantrum via e-mail, but no more if you have. Cutting your losses is painful, but it gets worse the longer you put off facing facts. Good luck, going through it myself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 7:17am
He did you a favor when he asked you for "time to search his inner being". I do not even know this guy and I can tell you it is going to take some time to FIND his inner being let alone search it.

No one that has loving. long term relationship kind of feelings for you would EVER write that email to you.

There is a book out called "He's Just Not That Into You : The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys." It was featured on Oprah last week. It is sold out everywhere but I suggest you go to Amazon and read about it.

Let me say this again, he did you a favor when he went off to find himself. You deserve to be with a MAN (he appears to be a child) that knows what he wants.

Please do not beat yourself up emotionally, he has the problem, not you!

Good Luck

aquagirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2000
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:08am
Please don't respond to this email. It was rude to say the least. You should be saying to yourself, "How dare he talk to me that way". That tone borders on abusive. Run for the hills and don't look back. So he wants to date other people. If someone I loved said that to me, I would bite the bullet and understand that it is over between us. You should not be waiting around in case things don't work out with the other person or persons. Get a grip and put yourself first. I know it's going to be hard not to respond to the email, but he no longer has a right to hear from you or see you ever again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 10:03am
Ok, breath, that was a harsh email to get from someone you love. But don't respond!! It seems silence is golden (which i am just now trying to do myself). You probably didn't deserve the things he's saying and he sounds angry. Give him the space he asked for, don't call or write back. He won't know how you feel anymore, and hopefully he'll come back and at least apologize for being so mean. I'm sorry but it seems you should try to move on from this, he might really want out for good, and is angry because he can't be straight forward. OR he is always kinda blunt in a mean way and he does just want space. But in any case, he's doing his own thing, and even though it hurts, you gotta accept that. No response is going to get him to apologize or rethink his position or anything. Actually responding will probably irritate him more and he won't get that you just care. You will one day get a word in (because he will contact you eventually) or you will run into him, and you taking the higher road will feel empowering. You deserve better than that email, don't write back! Keep posting when it hurts, you'll get love here,

C

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 11:12am
Sounds simple to me.......he thinks a relationship is a one-sided entity that is designedto meet his needs and prioritize his goals and wants over everything else on the planet.

And when you sit there conversing, emailing, when you keep trying to "be friends' when in reality you want him back - what you're doing is sitting there going 'whip me, beat me, tell me I'm cheap because it's what I think of me...and that proves that you love me."

So the guy is saying....I'm not sure hwat I want in life, how I'm going to get what I want and need, I want some time to figure out what I'm capable of achieving and having on my own, for myself, without obligation to anybody else's feelings or needs, or having to hear their yap flap. But you stay right where you are, you good little dog, because you're nice, sweet, you're easy to get to fetch my paper and sit at my feet, and be ignored without barking or biting...and if I go out there and do everything I want to do, and be with all the owmen I want to be with...and I find out that nobody will serve me like you do, and that being with you would be the most beneficial and optioned situation for me as per my needs and my goals - then I'll come back to you at some point and allow you to serve me and meet my need and live by my standards.

And if I were you - I'd STOP thinking that anybody so self-absorbed, and so self-focused has the capacity to be anything but "selfish" all the way around. There is no reprocicity in a selfish dynamic.

I personally wouldn't respond, I wouldn't call, I'd say hi politely and pass on - for the rest of my life...I wouldn't have anything to do with him as an individual because I wouldn't respect this set of values and priorities...nor would I want to be impacted further by the actions that those values justify.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 1:03pm
Now as many times as that kid used shi*, and bull shi* he knew that’s all he was talking. After 4 years together, he tells you he needs time to figure things out granted we all need that sometime. But to tell you in an email, he might as well just told the neighbor down the street to tell you. He did sound really angry, which is sort of humorous because you said you never asked him back out, never asked what he was doing, and with who. Does this sound like a guilty conscious? Well if time is what he needs give it to him, and move on because it really doesn’t seem like this boy is grown enough for you. If you take time by yourself that’s exactly what you do, you’re by yourself. Your not venturing off to meet other women, or having one night stands etc. I don’t know what this little boy is doing but I do know that he just got his hand stuck in the cookie jar and I don’t think you should open it back up for him. We all need self-realization, but this fool needs a check up from the neck up. Let him have his time, his bachelor fun as they call it. And when all the parties are done, and he has no one to go home to and no one who compares to you, he'll try to go back to lyn2unique and then that’s when you can tell him I'm not your mommy and I sure as hell are not on your time, you cant just freeze someone’s life and expect it to be the same when your ready, have your cake and eat it too, just remember to chew and don’t choke!!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 1:27pm
I think blocking any further emails from this selfish excuse for a man would be best! No good can come of you continuing to be in touch with him.

My goodness, I'm just appalled!!!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 3:54pm
open your eyes, stick out your tongue and say ahhhhh.... cause you are going to be sick if you answer him back......the words and the actions are the same....run don't walk away from this guy..... at least my ex gave me some sad story about lets be friends before he totally ignored me...it sounds like this guy is just telling you everything up front....heed the warnings and run tot he nearest exit
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 5:46pm
I f I hadn't been through this just recently, I wouldn't feel I could offer my insight as strongly. I had my ex say almost the same thing as she departed for "space". Well, the space ended up being a thread of truth in wanting in reality to end it. One thing she said as this was happening in front of me was, "can't you love me enough to let me do this?", and your guy said basically the same thing. Facts are this ... he has no respect for you, most all of it is for himself, sees his needs and feelings as the only ones to be considered, and you will "maybe" need to wait ... is that pitiful or what???

I agree with goldeneyedgirl, since he started this your response basically has to be no contact, no matter what! is not only good medicine for him, but a great place for you to start realizing you don't need him in your life at all ... not even for one simple word, no matter how apologetic.

He sucks, let him go ... you're free!

Michael

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