First Love
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First Love
| Wed, 09-29-2004 - 5:44pm |
I'm 20 yrs. old and just dumped my 23 year old first love and the guy who I gave up my virginity to. I thought this was the guy that I was going to spend the rest of my life with and the first one I ever told that I love. I am very confused as to what he did and why he did it so I guess I'm looking for some explanation. He constantly told me that he loved me and that he had never met anyone like me and I was exactly what he had been looking for...the marriage type material. I did everything I possibly could to make him happy and help him out and he would ask me, why was I so good to him. First I let him borrow my credit card to buy something for his car, which was about $900.00, then he used the same card to pay off his delinquent $400.00 phone bill. I let him keep the card so he could make the payments on it. Then he wanted a cell phone and since he has no credit, I went ahead and got it for him. Much to my surprise I got a phone call from my credit card company saying there were some unusual charges. I called him and asked him what the hell he had used my credit card for and he responded that he had let one of his workers borrow it and my stupid self beleieved it. To make matters worse, I got the phone bill and found out that he had been talking to about 3 other girls and he had a whole crapload of 1-800 numbers, they were all phone sex lines! He had the nerve to use my credit card to have phone sex (he lied about letting a worker borrow it), did he not think I was going to find out. Now he's telling me all those other girls were just friends and that he know's he's lower than a piece of crap, and etc., etc., That he loves me, blah, blah, blah. HELP ME, I love this idiot so much and am afraid of never falling in love like this. This is the worst emotional torture I have ever experienced in my life and need some guidance. What should I do?????

You're young. I remember my first love who broke my heart and left me devastated at 20. I thought then I'd never ever love anyone the way I loved him, ever again. To some extent that's true. There is no love like the first love. However, I did go on to love several more man (too many probably!) after him and I loved a couple of men more than I could ever have loved him the way I did when I was 18-20.
Your relationship may be worth saving, but it will require a lot of work on both your parts. First things first, cancel your credit card so he can't use it anymore. Take some time for yourself to figure out what you want. Don't remain involved with him for a while. Consider counseling.
We're here for you and most of us stood in the same field you're standing now, devastated when the first love comes tumbling apart.
Next, step away from him and write a list of what things are good about him, then what things are BAD about him... you need to acknowledge the bad and really look at it. Are these the type of behaviors that you imagine are part of a loving relationship? This is what I did with my stb-x husband! Took a lot of soul searching to realize I was hanging on to what used to be and what may have been, not what WAS! It's very hard to let go of the dream... not so hard to let go of the reality. Look at the reality he IS and decide if that is enough for you? Are you willing to settle for a guy who calls porn lines? A guy who is calling other women? How long will it be before the temptation is too great adn he cheats? Is it enough for you to be involved with a cheater?
These are tough questions, but remember that you deserve much more than a man who lies and cheats... don't settle. There are other men out there and you deserve to continue looking for one who will treat you respectfully!
I'm so sorry to hear about what your bf did to you...that's horrible!! But I'm so glad you decided to end it. Nobody deserves to be used like that. It's best you just cut your ties and move on because he will probably just continue using you as long as you allow him to. I think your best bet is to start no contact with him ASAP!! Don't give him a chance to convince you to take him back...your emotionally fragile right now...therefore more willing to take him back..... Whatever you decide to do...we're here to help!! Good luck and keep us posted!!