please help-anyone experienced this??
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 09-30-2004 - 4:46pm |
I think about it all day long, my relationship. I don't sleep at night because I keep thinking about how I need to "talk" with him, but when it comes down to it, i can't bring myself to do it. It is almost as if he senses what is going on so on the times when I think I’m getting up the courage, he is the best most sweetest boyfriend ever. And in some ways he is, however there are financial issues that tend to keep me frustrated (he is a super smart guy, but financially unstable at times, and I always feel that I pay for the brunt of everything – groceries, rent, car, etc). But we do share everything and I am so so so so terrified of making a huge mistake. I keep thinking it will go away (these thoughts) but they consume my mind so much. And then when I think I’ve got the courage to do something (ie, talk to him) he goes and does something sweet and wonderful.
How do you cope, deal, and go through with something you know in the deepest level of your mind is right but are scared of being alone, hurting someone, being depressed, and afraid that you ARE making a big mistake?????
THANK YOU!

You said:
1. He used to be somewhat verbally and emotionally abusive and controlling, but I really think that has tapered down a lot, or at least I ignore it to a point that it doesn't bother me as much any more.
2. He has pulled some s*it that completely befuddles my friends and myself....anyway.
3. There are financial issues that tend to keep me frustrated (he is financially unstable at times, and I always feel that I pay for the brunt of everything – groceries, rent, car, etc).
You should NEVER ignore or become *tolerant* of verbal and emotional abuse from any guy you're dating. Rather than ignore or tolerate it, you should RUN! Leave him NOW and don't look back. Statistically, less than 1% of abusive men change their abusive ways for good. Most will implement the "honeymoon phase" whenever they sense their partner is about to leave them. This helps to keep the partner hooked so that she won't wise up and leave for good.
As for the financial issues, he's using you if you're paying for everything and he isn't pulling his weight in the relationship.
Dump the loser. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!
All the best,
Heymum
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlshouldista
Best wishes. Sounds like it's a tough road no matter which way you choose.