I made a mistake and saw him again

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
I made a mistake and saw him again
5
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 8:44am
My ex dumped me about two months ago because he had lost interest in me and said that never really loved me.

We had a very close relationship as friends and to me it was devastating to realise that he could give up so easily on us. I decided not to contact him again even, so for a month a half I was doing fine. However we had planned a boat holiday with his friends many months before the breakup and he convinced me that I should go, so we saw each other last week. Deep inside I wanted to talk and maybe get back together.

The holiday was a disaster, it was a terrible mistake to see him again. We slept in the same room for a week and nothing happened. We didn't even talk about our relationship, we never talked about anything personal. I was so upset because my feelings for him are still very intense and he was just indifferent to me.

I saw him so happy, so relaxed and excited about his new life. I felt devastated again because I am having a hard time while he is really happy. I never saw him like that before, he was depressing and I helped him throught this.

I am very upset for putting myself in such vulnerable position again. No contact was doing great to my mental stability and I trashed it. Now I feel like anger is filling my body and mind, I don't know what to do. I need to find a way to release all this anger, otherwise I will hurt myself.

My story should be taken as an example of what not to do. Do not try to contact your ex, things are not going to change. You cannot change people's mind and feelings.

Iliana

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 10:25am
I'm very sorry you had to go through this Iliana. It sounds like it was a really difficult week. But at least now it's completely over and you know you're never going back, right?

I actually really needed to see your email because I heard from my ex earlier this week and then contacted him and got an email from him this morning. It has been almost three weeks since we broke up (I initiated the breakup, but he seemed to accept it ok) and I'm still not over him, nowhere near it ...

I know how easy it is to go back, so I have to be really cautious. I also know how easy it is to delude yourself into thinking that you mean more to him than you actually do because he contacted you to say hi. So anyway, thanks very much for your words of wisdom. I really appreciate them. And remember, stay away from that man!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 2:31pm
To the both of you ladies: I know how hard it is to not contact that person. For me it's been almost 8 months and I get the urge to contact him every now and again. After a few months he contacted me and we started kinda talking again. It was the worst mistake I could have ever made in my life. It totally tore me down even more. Regardless of who initated the breakup, it happened and he allowed it to happen. That's what I continue to think about. I get angry and upset but mostly dissappointed. Now, I moved that dissappoitment aside and started to try and be happy as my own person. Honestly when I really start to think about it, who cares!!!!!!!!!! I know I did at one point, but if he does not care as much as I do then he is not worth it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 11:50am
Thanks for the warning...especially the reminder that you "put yourself in a vulnerable position by seeing your boyfriend again." I'm feeling stronger now, after one month, but nowhere near strong enough to re-establish contact. I would be just kidding myself about my abilities to face him again. I'm still raw inside. Additionally, it gives him (like your boyfriend) opportunities to show or at least pretend, he's happy without me, doing better without me, etc. That would kill me, having it rubbed in my face, and I sure don't need the cold shoulder, like you got. Sorry about your experience, but I'll use it to prevent further heartache in mine, thanks for your message.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 5:09pm
Hi, i'm sorry you are feeling such pain at the moment and that you learned the hard way, I can totally empathise though, Its been almost 3 weeks since I split with my ex and last weekend I was drunk and asked him to talk, ended up sleeping with him and it was the best ever but not enough to win him back. I ended the relationship because I was sick of waiting for him to decide what he wanted but still love him dearly and cry regularly.

Please try and stay strong, you deserve the best so don't settle for less,you have a lot to give so find someone who'll appreciate it, in the mean time spoil yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 8:54pm
Welcome to the board!!! I'm so sorry to hear about your trip....I bet that *WAS* horrible. At least now you know how important no contact is and I'm sure you won't break it again. As for letting off steam maybe you could join a kickboxing class or something simillar to let out your aggresions. I'm sorry you're having to go through this....and we've been there and no what you're going through and you are always welcome to post here and we'll try our best to help. Good luck!!!
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