How could I have been so wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
How could I have been so wrong?
2
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 5:42pm
I met a man, fell in love with him almost immediately, had three weeks of pure euphoria, and then we broke up. He continued to call and say he wanted to get his life together and some things in his personal life worked out but that he did want to try to make things work with me in the future. So we kept talking. But it got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore, not being able to have him and him not being willing to give himself - so I broke off contact completely. And as each day goes by (it's been over a month now), it hasn't gotten any easier. Every day I still think of him nearly constantly, and worry that he was supposed to be the love of my life. I'm dating other men and seriously, nobody comes close to comparing. I know you all must think I'm a complete idiot for falling in love so quickly, and for letting myself hurt so much for so long afterward, but I truly feel like I'm losing someone that was supposed to be a part of my life forver - and it's killing me.

Do you all believe in love at first sight? How could I feel it when he obviously didn't? Do you think you've ever inadvertently made a man feel this way? I don't know if I could forgive myself if I have ever put any ex-boyfriends through what I'm going through now - because it's truly one of the most painful experiences of my life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 11:40pm
Hi, I just wanted to mention that I can understand how you feel since I am going through something similar. I just joined this message board and just posted one called Why? (sad situation).
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1997
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 12:10am
I take it from what you wrote, he broke up with you, correct?

Did the euphoria you speak of include sex? If so, it may very well be that having sex with him so soon after meeting him eliminated some of the mystery and curiosity he had about you. A lot of guys move on rather quickly to someone else if a woman gives it up too soon.

I don't know how well you think you got to know him in only three weeks, but it really does take a lot of time to get to know someone beyond the surface. People generally put their best face forward in getting to know others, so it stands to reason you found yourself falling for the person he wanted you to see. I guarantee you that if the relationship had progressed, say for a year, you would've had a much different picture of him. That's not to say you wouldn't have loved and appreciated him more, just that you would've seen some of his imperfections and character flaws.

If he was supposed to be a part of your life forever, he would still be in your life.

Let go of what's in the past, learn all that you can from this and move forward.

All the best,

Heymum

P.S. I don't believe in love at first sight. While I may be strongly attracted to a person visually, I don't really know them upon first sight. I don't fall in love with a man until he has first shown me what he's about and the kind of man he is.