Ugh, dont know what to do...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Ugh, dont know what to do...
1
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 4:40pm
So I think I just need to vent for a minute..... any advice would be welcome...

2.5 years into a great relationship, he still refused to talk about marriage, despite the fact that ALL his friends are currently engaged, married or in serious relationships. We are both in our late 20s and this is a first long term serious relationship for us both. But I started to resent still being the "girlfriend" I was being left out of wedding invites (no ring no bring policy) moving in was not an option, I was just resentful, spend a few months deciding whether I could live like this. Obviously he sensed that, one night we decided to split. Albeit hopefully temporary. Anyway, its been 3 months, he CONSTANTLY emails me, all day every day, wants to see me every week, etc. And I am still in that stage, where I want to see him, but now all of a sudden its gotten even worse (my emotional state) I am starting to think friends is not an option at this time, but there is nothing I want more in a person I love (besides obvious committment issues) so how do I cut the cord. Lately I almost feel like we should either work it out & try again, or jsut forget the friendship (which is hard since we run in similar groups and live 2 blocks from each other).... urggh. I have no idea, tomorrow we are hanging out, he needs to talk about something. Usually my gut is pretty good, but this week its telling me nothing, part of me hopes he wants to give it a shot, part of me hopes he wants to cut ties, i keep flipping back and forth... anwyay, sorry to rant, needed to vent and get back to work. thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 5:54pm
No one can decide for you what is best for you, of course, but please be very careful here... your story is similar in some ways to mine... met a guy 4 yrs younger than me and told him within 2 weeks that I was looking for a serious committed relationship that could lead to marriage, want kids, a home and off the party scene. I explained that if he was NOT interested in those things that was fine, but I was not the woman to date...

We dated a year and a half and he popped the question. Married for 3 yrs and then he walked out... wasn't happy and it was him, not me, blah, blah, blah... I filed for divorce after 2 months and 4 months after that (2 months before divorce would have finalized) he asked for a second chance... I agreed as long as we went to marital counseling. In counseling he admitted that he was NOT ready to be married but knew he would have to stop seeing me if he didn't ask and he still wanted to see me... so wanted his cake and to eat it too! That was very difficult to hear. So, in counseling, I said if you still feel that way, now is the time to get out... the divorce will finalize soon and we can both look for someone who meets our needs... he said, no, he was ready to settle down, get a house, start a family. It's been 3 yrs and my divorce will finalize Dec 4, 2004. Sad but true... he felt pressure to do the right thing, to be who everyone else wanted him to be, and so convinced himself that he would be a good husband now... 9 yrs are gone... to a man who wanted to be what I wanted, but just wasn't. Please be careful not to force his hand in any way... if he is not ready to commit, he won't even if he DOES give you a ring and follow thru with a marriage... hugs... it may be a tough decision for you.