Could I get some feedback on this.....
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Could I get some feedback on this.....
| Thu, 10-07-2004 - 6:00pm |
I lasted a week with n/c, and My ex was calling me pretty much all through out the week, and I didn't talk to him or anything.. He called on Saturday sayings he missed me, and would I just call him back, he said he was sorry for the rude email he wrote, and that I took it the wrong way.. Well that was pretty much stupid because, there was no wrong way to take that email... However, he called me on Tuesday, and I answered, I didn't say much I let him do most of the talking, but I did get in that I was insulted by his lack of respect for me, and I also let him know how rude he was been lately.. He asked me when could He see me. I said I don't know... He said what if I wanted to get back together, and I said well since it's not now,then I will deal with the situation when and or if it even comes up. I said to be honest I am not really even worried about it either way.. Then he starts trying to get in converstation... about pass things, like why I couldn't go to the movies with him as a friend, and I told him.. You already know how I feel about that..and I don't have any intention of going back over that again. So let's not get into it.. He asked me about what I was doing, and said it was really great talking to me, and that he missed talking me like this.. All the time, I'm just not really giving him any feedback really. I'm just being like ok... He asked me did I miss him, and I didn't comment, I just made a comment about something else, and skipped over it... I love him, and I want to be with him, I just feel like everytime and I have tried before to just telling him that I love him, and I miss him too then he seems to get some wierd enery off of that and then begains treating me second best.. He did get another phone call, from someone else, and clicked over and told me to hold on.. however he came back and didnt get off the phone with me at first.. but it only took like a couple of mins before he did. I was kinda of disappointed in that, and it hurt alittle because I knew it was a girl. I didnt answer his calls the next day, but I did call him this morning, and said hi.. but thats pretty much it.. He seemed happy to talk to me... Could anybody give me some insight on what you think might be going through his head... I realize that know one will actually know..but it would be cool.. to get someone else perception on .. this..
Thanks in advance
Lynn

If some guy were wanting your attention, and he was sorta cute and nice but you weren't real into him.
Would YOU turn down his calls - since whenever he would call you MIGHT have nothing better to do and go along. But you always knew if you had something better to do - you wouldn't have to go, or even answer if you didn't want to.
Why would someone who is getting attention that says "you're worthy of my attention and effort"....particularly who has had past access to your body and knows how to get you in a "position" that you'll be less likely to turn down intimacy in......say the following:
"I don't want a relationship. I don't want you to call. I don't want you to call me, please. I don't want to have any interaction for awhile, till you get over me."
Basically, you're doing the 'on hold" thing - but you're doing it to you - just so you get that part straight.
Think of this as him having a 10 line phone..with 10 active lines. HEre's you - calling in to say 'hi, how're you doing, wanted to let you know I was thinking about it" - which he can put his own spin and projection on as to "what you really were thinking and wanted". IF there is nobody calling him and you do -he can talk. He wants distraction and diversion. IF someone else rings in - he'll put you on hold...he might come back immediately if it was a sales call....he might not if it was someone he's intrested in, or someone calling to do something he wants to do.
But thereis you...sitting on hold long distance...AT YOUR EXPENSE. You called him.....you pursued the contact. And now you're having 'no contact but just expense (aka - investment in him).
Or, let's say he calls you because he has nothing better to do - you talk, he puts you on hold and comes back eventually. YOu think "hey, at least that time it didn't cost me money, it was on his dime." But, it did "cost" you something more valuable than money - time..that you have now invested in "him" at your expense.....when he hasn't stated that he wants what you want.
There is no way to find out "why he's calling" - other than it is safe to say that he likes knowing he can ring up, talk to you, despite his rude email, he can tell you that YOU are taking it wrong and that you're wrong in your perception that he was rude, and you still talk to him, concerned about what he's doing, wondering about his activities.
That is SUCH AN EGO BOOST.....to him it says "i'm so hot and I'm so good, no mater how I treat her she keeps coming back for more."
And to you...about you...and ot him it's saying "dismiss me, ignore me, put me on hold, tell me I'm cheap, it proves you care."
That's what got you in the position you're in....everything in the relationship was done to meet his needs, by his terms, at his standards, for his goals.....and you were a service provider, and a benefitting entity in his life. YOu weren't regarded as an equal - he doesn't want an "equal" he wants service and providership and a benefits package.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
What's going through his head?! Same thing...wants to have his cake and eat it to. Stand your ground and keep up the no contact. Did you like the way it felt knowing after he hung up on you he called another girl? Will you like looking over your shoulder and always wondering which girl he's got something going with? I remember that e-mail! You're right...no misunderstanding that! He's a jerk and a coward for trying to worm out of his nasty intentions when he wrote it and make you feel stupid for "taking it the wrong way." Try going a month with no contact. Although you will still feel the pain, you'll be amazed how your perception changes after such a short time. Make a calendar and cross off each day you don't speak to him. See if he makes any serious changes after that, or better yet, if you even want him any more.
Edited 10/9/2004 12:31 pm ET ET by m_yui