UPDATE on What do I do now?
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| Mon, 10-11-2004 - 7:31pm |
I wished him a nice day and hung up. It felt nice to hear his voice and he was just as sweet as ever towards me almost like nothing ever happened.
I also wrote him a letter telling him my feelings. I am glad I did that because I can now rule out that there are any misunderstanding about how I feel.
I made a choice today and that is not to wait on him until he makes up his mind. I am activating the NO CONTACT!
I am sad that it has to be this way however I want to continue moving on with life as I have been.
I truly do not want him with me and go through all this drama and end up hurt more then ever.
This is my 1st time going through anything like this and I must say, I pray I never have to experience anything like this ever again.
I realize that I am not the only one and this does happen to others, it just feels like I am the only one.
So I said a prayer in faith and am letting it go with love and the understanding that it is over between me and him. No expectations on my part. I am being brutally honest with myself because that is the only way I am going to work through this nightmare.
Yes it hurts, but I rather hurt now than staying with him and knowing he is unsure!
I feel I am doing the right thing.................am I?

The reason I contacted my ex is because I still had this hope that I could get some closure from him. I wanted to talk even though the rare occasions we have since the breakup have all ended badly. He had tried to contact me a couple times since I started NC and I actually felt bad for not responding...another reason I decided to contact him. I didn't want to be mean, I didn't want to be like him...even though he deserved it. But now I sincerely wish I had stuck with it :( You should be grateful your breakup didn't end on a bad note...that you guys were able to be civil with each other. I know my ex is still upset with me and vice versa, and I hate that. And it's good that you got out everything you needed to say to him in your letter. I still feel like I have some things to say to him, but I don't know how to get him to listen--I've already written him numerous letters in the past, and they haven't really done any good. I'm thinking of writing him one last time, but I'm also starting to realize that the only way to get closure is within myself because he will probably never give it to me.
But I'm better off without him...like you, I'm glad I don't have to deal with all the drama anymore. This was my first heartbreak as well...it's rough, isn't it? But I know I'll eventually get over it and find someone new, someone better...that hope is partly what keeps me going (other than a great family & friends). Plus I'm young and know that I have a lot more to experience...and so do you! So stay strong :) Take care.
"Relationships are like glass, sometimes it is best to leave them shattered than to hurt yourself trying to put it back together."
I feel that you can give yourself closure so that you do not have to feel so bad and think you need closure from your ex. Sometimes this is the very best thing to do so that we can move forward and heal from our bad experience.
When someone ignores someone=ABUSE! That shows you how dysfunctional these people truly are.
They are sad cowards for doing that to someone and do not deserve your effort or time.
I am lucky in a way that my ex bf is very nice about it all and talks to me like nothing ever happened................kinda weird in some way. It is almost like we still together when we spoke today.
Yes it hurts. I look at it this way, HIS LOSS! In your case... HIS LOSS!
I have already benefit on 2 dates. It was nice and it certainly kept my mind of him. I had a nice time and kept it very casual and fun.
I truly believe that is is good to throw oneself into the dating scene after such a bad experience because it will help you to keep your self esteem up and going.
Know that you are beautiful inside and out. There is no sense in sitting at home and doing the self punishment thing. Believe me, our ex's aren't sitting at home doing that......or are they? weeping over what great women they have lost for some instant gratification? who knows and who cares ? right!?
The thing with me and my x bf was that we had had a fantastic time together. No one time have we had a bad time ever. There are no bad memories.
This was his choice and I simply have to respect it and let go with love.
I truly believe the worst thing one can do is manipulate someone to come back. Men hate it and will run from it, most of all they will know it instantly what one is up to.
Not a good thing.
I feel I gave him a little opening today by calling. Him being like he always was with me on the phone made it easier. I do not know what he was down about nor do I want to know. He made his choice and I am simply granting his wishes.
Don't get me wrong, I have cried and I have felt sad the past few days, however, I am in control of my thoughts and my doings. I do not want to hurt anymore, so I simply said ENOUGH! and moved on.
I feel that anytime one has to act and can't be herself/himself, something is just not right. A man that says he needs space is really saying I do not want to be with you anymore. I believe as with everything in life, there is an exception to this but mostly it is what it is.
So I do not cloud my mind with wondering why and what happened or what is he doing, is he with someone else? If he could not open himself to me in a healthy way..............chances are he won't do that with someone else either. WHY? because there is something wrong in the first place because he could not open up to a healthy relationship.
Do I want a man that is confused? NO WAY! What kind of relationship would we have? He will think of me and all the wonderful times we shared this much I know.
So please work on yourself because you do not have to walk around feeling bad. If this man you were with has problems with drinking and such...YOU DO NOT WANT THAT!
Find out WHY YOU would allow someone like this in your life. FIX IT! and move on.
There are wonderful healthy men out there just waiting for us.
I said a prayer in faith and gave it all to God.............what a relief!
I really hope I can give myself closure...I'm beginning to see that it's the only way. He doesn't even have the decency in him to respond to my attempts to talk...I never thought of ignoring someone as being a form of abuse, but I think you're right. He is showing me that he has absolutely no respect for me and does not care in the least bit. I feel like such a fool. I've been telling myself that I deserve this because he made me think I did...but nobody deserves to be treated this horribly. I've also been telling myself that he is a good person and that it's my loss...but eventually we'll see who ends up truly happy and who ends up alone and miserable. I've done so much to prove that I'm sorry for lying to him and that I care...but he's just taken advantage of me when he finds it convenient. It's become apparent that he never actually cared...and certainly doesn't now. It's been soooooooo hard for me to accept that. But I have no choice. I've reached my limit.
Anytime you want to talk, I am here for you!
Unfortunately, I'm not doing so well right now. My ex actually ended up IM'ing me last night--part of me is glad he finally responded, but now I'm just more confused/hurt. We never actually talked--he just said "if you're gonna be up in a bit maybe we can talk" and then "just letting you know--later." I responded and said "hmm yeah, I'll be up..." and waited for about an hour&1/2 (pathetic, I know)...but he never IM'ed me again. I sent him one last IM of these song lyrics from a song we used to love together that described how I was feeling and said "take care kid...<3." Well, I checked today and he hadn't left me any messages.
I guess I shouldn't be surprised huh? I feel so naive...I've fallen into this trap so many times. He always gives me false hope then just ends up disappointing me. I truly believed we were going to talk and maybe have a civil conversation, and perhaps I could find some closure...but of course I was wrong. I really wanted to talk, really talk, to him....but apparently that isn't going to happen.
I know we'll never get back together, or even be friends at this point. I know he's a jerk and I deserve way better...and I know he's totally moved on (he's had this new girlfriend since our breakup). I know that he won't change...that he's always going to be the person who ignored me when I was hurting and needed him most. But it's just so hard to believe that he's the same guy I cared about (sadly enough, I still do) and loved for such a long time...it's hard to believe that we were once just friends and he was a total sweetheart to me. His true colors have come out...I guess I shouldn't be too surprised by anything he does now. But it's difficult...I wanted so badly to believe he was a good person...I wanted to believe in the best of him.
Blah...
This man already knows how to pull your strings and it is your fault because YOU ALLOW IT!
The best thing you can do for YOU is to stay away from him. Don't give him another chance to hurt YOU!
See with my x, there was never a problem. We have awesome times and never a bad word, no drama no bad memories. He has always treated me with the utmost respect and has been sincerely sweet with me. I respect him because he washonest with me and he actually knows how to communicate his needs, not every guy does.
I believe there was someone else he knew and was torn between her and me. He never told me and I asume out of respect and to not hurt me anymore. So I say RESPECT to him because he could have cheated or lied to me.
He simply stated his feelings and I MUST RESPECT it. Give him the space he wants. Will he come back? Sure he will!. In the meantime I am living my life as I have been before I met him and I am so Blessed.
You see, I want a man that has no doubts. A man that wants to be with me and is not unsure. That is what you want, don't you?
Please DO NOT spend one more second being upset over such a jerk. Believe you me, he is not upset over you. He is living his life with someone new while you sit on the other side suffering. You hurting yourself! Don't you know that this kind of thing causes premature wrinkles and aging lol?
He is a fool! HIS LOSS! NEXT!
Pick yourself up and move on strong?! Gosh I just want to shake you into reality:-)
Take me as a perfect example. It does not matter how long one was with someone, feelings matter and we all the same, we are human being with feelings.
I will not let this get me down. When my ex comes back,it will be my choice to take him back. WE HAVE CHOICES!
Don't sell yourself so short.
But I do disagree with you about one thing. I don't believe my ex will come back. And that's extremely difficult for me to accept, even though deep down I know I deserve better. I just hate knowing that I got rejected...it had never happened to me before. I hate knowing that he chose not to be with me, that he has someone new who makes him happy. I feel like a failure that I couldn't give him what he wanted/needed...even if he is just a jerk. Of course, our situations are very different...but unlike you, I don't believe I will ever have to make that choice of taking him back or not...and for some reason, I wish I did.
I'm glad your ex was so honest and respectful with you. You're lucky. I know that a lot of relationships end badly...I just wish mine had been more civil. I should feel blessed that he's shown his true colors...but I don't like the fact that we're upset with each other...that neither of us can really forgive/forget what happened, and that he's still mad at me. But I can only do so much to show him that I'm sorry, right??
It's not important to me anymore that we become friends...I had that hope for awhile, but it slowly faded. I know that isn't possible, nor is he the type of friend I want. I just want to know that he doesn't hate me...that he wishes me the best in life, and I want him to know that I feel the same towards him. That's really all I wanted to talk to him about, but of course he didn't give me the opportunity to. That's why I'm thinking of writing him one last e-mail...what do you think? I doubt I'd get a response. I'm going to make it clear that it will be my last time contacting him...that I'm moving on, but just wanted some closure. Or would trying to contact him again be a mistake?
Write your letter however donot send it to him. It will make you feel good to write it, sending it tohim would be a big mistake. HE KNOWS HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM!
Would you please tell me what exactly happen with you 2?
You know it is good that you believe he will come back to you however...........do you want this guy in your life with what you are going through now? Please think about this carefully.
The reason why you can't let go is because you do not have enough self love hun. It takes time and dedication to learn this. Go online, go to the bookstore and get some literature on this kind of stuff. You need to build up your selfesteem.If you need a counselor, get one! Do whatever it takes to feel better about yourself.
How old are you?
I am doing okay! I have totally accepted what is with my ex. Don't get me wrong, this is a man I fell in love with. I simply look at it this way, if he truly cares for me and wants me there, he simply will be.
You do have a choice! You always have a choice. You make them each day hun. Don't settle for any less than you truly deserve!
God Bless!