Please help me!
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Please help me!
| Tue, 10-12-2004 - 3:34pm |
I have been in a rather lovely relationship for over three years. My boyfriend and I have known each other since college, but our relationship didn’t start until we were both 26 years old and working professionals in a big city. I was excited about it at first because I thought (and to an extent still do) believe he has all the qualities a spouse should posses. I love him and made a conscious decision that no matter what I would make it work and it was working. I was happy and content. Even though my attraction to him was limited to kissing and hugging, he has been nothing but kind, loving, gentle and respectful. He has issues with his parents and was abandoned by his mother in a vicious way. Due to this he has problems trusting women and, of course, a fear of commitment. I stuck it through and though there’s nothing we can’t work out. His priorities were making money to support his future family by working insane hours so that what happened to him when his parents divorced wouldn’t happen to him. It was never clear to me that I was the one he was planning on marrying, but it wasn’t clear that I wasn’t either. All of this, because of our 10-year friendship, I knew before getting into the relationship. In essence, I’m wondering know whether I got into it because I thought and still think he’s a great catch and it was time to get married. 7 months ago I met another man with whom I instantly connected both physically and intellectually. My feelings for this other person grew to the point where I was fearful of cheating on my boyfriend. Then….my boyfriend told me he had cheated on me—with a prostitute. I felt disappointment, not anger. I thought “maybe this is my way out, the universe telling me to be with this other guy”. I promptly “took a break” from my boyfriend but have been with him through an incredibly debilitating HIV scare. It’s been over 6 months, he’s clean, and I’m wiped out. I eventually succumbed to the other man and I’ve never felt like this about anyone. Our sexually chemistry is beyond belief, he is what I’ve always wanted intellectually and emotionally and what’s best, he’s absolutely in love with me and has no problem telling me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. With him, I feel and I know that I am number one. I didn’t believe in “soulmates” until I met him. The other man has known everything about what’s going on with my boyfriend, and he’s been incredibly supportive, the best friend anyone cold ever ask for, and has not put any pressure on me. I am torn now because I feel like I’ve cheated on my boyfriend, and because of these feelings of guilt I “broke up” with the other one. I am torn, and miserable. Three months of therapy can only help so much. I think I know what the right decision is, but I am so afraid of making it and letting go. Can someone please help me?

You've got to let yourself let go and make the changes to grow with your life and not drag a dark cloak around you. Find the strength to lift your head up high and know that what you are doing is for you not anyone else. It may take time, but I know that you can do it.