is he trying to say get lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
is he trying to say get lost
4
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 6:04pm
Sorry...another question on same relationship

Been dating 2 1/2 mths...(he just asked me to be exclusive 2 wks ago) He is in law school which I know keeps him busy. He has never been good about calling...I almost always do...and then he calls back. This sat we went out for about 6 hrs but he had to go home early to work on hw...that was thrown on him on wed (he told me about earlier) On the date he said something about knowing where my new place is going to be so I can't get away from him...at the end of the date he told me to call him the next day(could that just been a way to end the date comfortably??) I did call him but his phone went right to Voice mail (so it was probably off, i also called him late so he could've been sleeping) But its tues. and he hasnt called me back. Although on the VM i didnt say to, just that I'd talk to him later. I also started a new job on monday and he didn't call to even ask me how it went. Since we are now b/f g/f shouldn't he call me to end things. Do you think he wants to end things and is hoping i just stop calling. Anytime i call he always returns my calls. He always says im beautiful and he always holds my hand (i know this doesnt mean anything) What should I do...I hate waiting for him to call it is to stressful. Now that we are exclusive would it be okay if i call him. Are there many of you out there (women) who generally always call their busy BF's. How do you guys feel. Any advice about what to do would be helpful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 6:27pm
To borrow from the popular new book, he's just not that into you. I went to law school, too. It didn't disable my dialing finger. And busy as I was, there's no reason not to give a status update to your SO (i.e., "I've got at least 7 more hours of reading for contracts, but I just wanted to hear your voice and check in with you," "I'm getting slammed in property, you should probably make other plans for Thursday, I just don't think I can break away").

If you're always calling him, he's not that into you. Him ending a date with "call me," rather than lining up the next date/contact or saying "I'll call you tomorrow," that's a big giveaway, he's just passively along for the ride, but not interested enough. Yes, he should have called about your new job. I've dated (and been married to) guys who send flowers to the new job. You have every right to expect that the person with whom you're exclusively involved would take notice of your life events and be interested in how you're doing. You should not be the only one calling, chasing him down, arranging contacts, he should at least be meeting you half-way. Try this - don't initiate contact, at all, and see what happens. If he wanted to pursue a relationship with you, you can bet he'd be on the phone in 48 hours trying to figure out what's going on with you. He definitely wouldn't let a weekend approach or pass by without locking down plans with you. So, if you don't hear from him, that's your answer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 10:36pm
I don't think he's trying to end things with you at all....it just sounds like he's busy.... I think he'll eventually call but if it's driving you this crazy go ahead and call. It's always ok to call your guy as long as you don't go over-board. Good luck and keep us posted.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 1:30pm
It sounds to me he may have good reasons for being very busy...law school is a huge commitment. I think you need to establish your own goals and interests so that you are not sitting around waiting for validation from him with a phone call. Also, as a future law school graduate, he will want a partner who is rich in her own experiences and capable of standing on her own two feet as an individual. I could be wrong, but just going from your message, you are running the danger of being too clingy and dependent...something that is sure to end a relationship eventually and leave you feeling empty and unfulfilled. Stop calling so much. Get so busy in your life with your own interests that you actually forget or don't have time to call. Let him pursue you for a change. If he wants you, he will. If not, better to find out now than later and you'll have a good head start on making positive changes in your life. I'm just speaking from experience from a 17-year marriage and a 2-year bf/gf situation...it's easy to get clingy because you want the person so much...but in the end, you sacrifice yourself as an individual and drain the other person and become a burden to them. Sounds like there's still hope with you and your boyfriend so good luck...
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 11:49pm
How about having a talk with him and letting him know that you would like to hear from him more often and that you would like him to call more?