Already Dating-AND SHE'S MY FRIEND?!
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Already Dating-AND SHE'S MY FRIEND?!
| Wed, 10-13-2004 - 10:44am |
My boyfriend broke up with me just over a month ago. We were togther for almost 2 years (we did break up last fall the same exact week but then got back togther 2 months later). I just found out from 2 very relaible sources that he is already dating another girl who he works with. Problem being she is my friend (or was at least)! I always had a strange feeling that they had some "connection" but never thought about it, and then sure enough my suspicions were confirmed yesterday when i found out. It just disgusts me that they could be togther after this short amount of time and on top of that they seem to have no respect for me! she is a nice girl but the COMPLETE opposite of me interms of everything. Not to mention, I was my X's boss which is how we met, so I was also good friends with everyone that still works with him and her(she took over my job when i quit and now she still works with him). Point being, they had to realize that it would get back to me and clearly they don't even care! I was the first relationship he had where he was "in-love" even though he has dated many girls, every other relationship lasted a few months till he broke it off or cheated on them, but we stayed togther for 2 years! the new girl is very much like all his other x's, she is a pushover, whereas i am not. I want to know if this is going to last with them or if it will fall into the same pattern as all the other relationships he had before me. Not to mention, he went from a 2 year relationship to a brand new relationship in less then a month?! Up until a month before we broke up things were great, he was always doing sweet things for me and telling me how much he loved me and that he wanted to marry me in a few years and when we broke up he changed it to, "i don't want any part of a relationship with anyone" and clearly that wasn't true. I am hurt, angry, disgusted, and crushed. Not to mention the girl just got out of a very long term relationship as well. What is this all about? please someone share something with me and help me clear my head!

It sounds like they (both your ex b/f and ex friend) are very "needy" people and they have to have someone and be in a relationship to exist. They neither one are able to stand alone and have to feel "needed and important" to someone else in order to "complete themselves"...does that make sense?
Same thing happened to me...as when girlfriend and I broke up, she immediately (less than 24 hours) had met someone else and started dating them. We talked about three weeks later and she told me she "loved him"...and that was all I needed to hear as I made up my mind right then and there I'd never contact her again. After all, just 3 weeks prior, she loved me and wanted me to be in her life forever...yadda yadda yadda...and now, here's Mr. New Guy on the scene less than a day after our breakup and less than a month later she loves him?
Then, guess what? I get an email about a month later and she informs me she's broke up with Mr. New Guy and that now there is a second Mr. New Guy who is perfect and her life long dream man and all that.....all this within two months???????? And I thought I had issues???????
Another interesting point in your post is that he kept saying he wanted to marry you "in a few years"....I'm willing to bet he tells them all that (his girlfriends...) just to keep them hanging on until he gets tired of the chase and moves on to a new conquest.
My situation was a bit different, in that she was ready to get married,,,and me, still being fairly newly divorced, was not. I had full intentions of marrying her...but she couldn't give me the time I needed to iron out all the details...I think looking back she thought I was stalling and I can see where she could have mistakenly thought that.
So, Bandit, hold your head high girl! You deserve so much better...and regardless of what you think, you can and WILL do better. It's not easy at first...in fact, four months later I still hurt deeply, just farther between times and not every second. I'm starting to come back out of my shell and you will too.
You know, everyone has a past....and no matter how hard you try you can't change it. However, you can look at someone's past in terms of their relationships and see patterns. His pattern, just like my ex g/f, is to move into and out of long term relationships without taking time to heal. They simply "replace" their significant other with someone else. It's fine in the short term, but one day, it will catch up with them and they will hurt harder and deeper than any of us ever have. Thats not being vengeful, just truthful.
As for my ex...I am now at a point where I wish her the best...although we don't talk and have not for more than three months...I hope she finds whatever it is she is looking for and has a happy life....because I will. And after all, life is too short to be miserable.