DOES HE WANT TO BE WITH ME OR NOT

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
DOES HE WANT TO BE WITH ME OR NOT
5
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 2:24pm
I'M HOPING SOMEONE OUT THERE CAN HELP ME OR GIVE SOME ENCOURAGMENT. MY B/F AND I HAVE BEEN TOGTHER 2 1/2 YEARS LIVED TOGTHER ALMOST THE HOLE TIME ANYWAYS HE BROKE UP WITH ME ABOUT A YEAR AGO BUT THEN CAME BACK RELIZED I WAS THE ONE ECT ECT... WELL NOW A YEAR LATER AGAIN THINGS ARE ABOUT OVER HIS DOING AGAIN HE SAYS HE WANTS TO BE WITH ME BUT HE'S HAVING TO MANY PROBLEMS AND THIS TIME HE WANTS TO DEAL WITH THEM ALONE HE SAYS HE DOESNT HAVE TIME TO DEAL WITH THE RELASHONSHIP RIGHT NOW SO IF I WANT TO GO GO OR IF I WANT TO STAY THEN STAY HE DOESNT CARE ONE WAY OR ANOTHER BUT ON THE OTHER HAND ACKNOWLEDGES THAT HE'S PRETTY SURE IF I GO HE'S GONNA REGRET IT LATER AND HE'S NOT ASKING OR TELLING ME TO STICK THIS OUT WITH HIM BUT IF I DO EVERYTHING WILL BE WORTH IT IN THE END BUT RIGHT NOW I'M MISERABLE WE DONT TALK AT ALL HE JUST WANTS ME TO LEAVE HIM ALONE NO SEX EVER BUT HE'S JUST FINE WITH HIS PORNS. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH AND I REALLY FEEL WE'RE MEANT TO BE IF WE COULD JUST GET THROUGH THIS SLUMP BUT I DONT KNOW IF STICKING IT OUT IS WORTH IT I'M SO TORN RIGHT NOW SO ANY ADVICE WOULD BE REALLY HELPFUL. THANKS....
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 10:33am
it sounds like he doesn't want to be with you b/c if he really did he would tell you that and ask you to help him through it and tell you that he needs you. but when he saud he doesn't care if you stay or go, then he pretty much means, he doesn't care period. if he is so flip floppin' about your relationship he seems to be coming back to you due to comfort not b/c he is in love with you. i think you need to back off and start living your life by yourself and see what YOU want! some time away from the situation may change your whole perspective. it changed mine! and now single i am MUCH better off even though i loved my EX with every ounce of my being. i could fix his problems and he WOULDN'T try to fix his, so now he is dating my x-friend a month after we broke up and he will have the same problens with her. only the person with the problems can fix the problem. you might as well start enjoying life while you have the opportunity!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 11:33am
I can sure understand your confusion. I myself have been in a similar situation. My advice to u is to FIND YOURSELF!!!! I cannot stress that enuf...Women lose themselves in relationships and we tend to dwell on the good of another (the man). No, it doesn't sound like he wants to be with you. He is feeling bad and wants you to hang on because he knows you will. He is showing no concern for your feelings. His love is questionable and conditional. Look in the mirror and ask yourself if you want to spend the rest of your life going through this bs for the sake of someone else and your happines. Obviously it's bothering you or u would not have posted to begin with. u know the answer. Be real with yourself. Spend some time enjoying your self. Concentrate on what you like. Try a new thing that you have been putting off. If you occupy yourself with other things besides him, you will complete yourself in the long run and you can start realizing what you want and don't want in a relationship. U will run into a similar situation again if u don't work on yourself as an individual. U can't be anything to anyone if you r nothing to yourself. There can be no "Us", if there isn't a "U"...

I'm speaking from experience and i'm still going through it as i write. i find if i tell people, it reinforces in my own head. So i'm still crawling and i sympathize with you. Feel free to respond.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 2:56pm
THANK YOU FOR THE REPLY I WISH IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE HOPEFUL BUT I KNOW DEEP DOWN INSIDE THAT WAS WHAT THE ANSWERS WOULD BE IT JUST HURTS SO AWFUL BECAUSE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND UP UNTIL A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO THINGS WERE GOING PRETTY GOOD, I JUST WISH I KNEW WHY. DO YOU SUGGEST ANY WAYS OF TALKING TO HIM AT ALL I KNOW I PROBABLY WONT BEABLE TO GET IT BUT I WISH I COULD GET SOME CLOUSURE.... I DONT KNOW WHAT DO YOU THINK??
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1997
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 5:31pm
Hi Peaches,

I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. Lord knows I've certainly been there more often than I'd care to admit. Nevertheless, I think the best thing you can do is give yourself the closure you seek by putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward.

You deserve to be with a man who loves you the same way that you love him.

Life is short. When you're in a relationship and you're not getting what you want, need and deserve, move on.

All the best,

Heymum

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 12:35pm
Peaches, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this right now....I know it must be tearing you apart. If you want to talk to him....first figure out what you want to say....jot it all down and even practice saying it and then tell him when you see him. I know you love him but if he really feels you're the one then he shouldn't treat you this way....you deserve to be happy....not miserable. Good luck and keep us posted.
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