It's like breaking up over & over & over

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
It's like breaking up over & over & over
1
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 10:46pm
I guess my post will show one of the benefits of no contact....

I broke up w/my bf over 2 months ago. He's a great guy. I would love to be friends with him but of all people, I am one who's always believed you can't stay friends w/ex's!!! With him I would beg to differ... but since I am the one who broke up with him, I'm beginning to see why this won't work.

He wants so much for a 2nd chance... but I just don't see that happening. So I make my point clear (or so I think....) & then we talk as friends for week or so, and then he hints about us "dating" or something else along those lines. I don't want to be mean... and I don't think I'm sending him mixed signals... I have told him on numerous occasions that I just don't feel that way for him.

So he'll say ok... he accepts the fact... then a few weeks later it's the same story. :-( I finally told him this week I feel like I'm telling him the same things over & over and it's going in one ear and out the other!!! He said no, he can't help but be optimistic, but he accepts the fact "now" that we'll never be anything more than friends.

I'm thinking it may be in HIS best interest if I break off contact. But I do like talking to him... I do like his friendship... I will miss him. But this isn't getting any easier!!! It's almost as if I have to "break up with him" over and over and over as if the first time weren't difficult enough!

:-(

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
I know just what your ex is feeling. I was in his shoes for about a month after the break up. He just wanted to be friends and I loved him so much I was willing to act like friends just because I didnt want to lose him completely. Every week I would bring up dating again. We were intimate during this time which gave me mixed signals. I dont know if you two are intimate but that can really give someone mixed signals if you just want to be friends. Eventually he started talking to other girls on the phone when I was there and making plans for the weekend with them, but he never wanted to do anything with me. Finally I got sick of it and told him he lost me and that was on Sept 28th and we havent talked since. He would never call me so once I stopped calling it was the end. Its been a 1 1/2 months since the break up but only 2 weeks since we have talked. I strongly suggest no contact between the two of you. If you dont want to date him and he has such strong feelings for you its not healthy for either of you. I know you dont want to hurt his feelings but you will be saving him more heatache later. Unless he finaly gets over you I dont think its wise to talk to him. Maybe you could start by not calling him as much and see what happens. If he is too clingy then you need to make sure he know that you are done and you dont want to hurt his feelings anymore. Maybe he will see you are truely sincere and walk away on good terms. Thats just my 2 cents hope it helps.

V