i hate this!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
i hate this!
3
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 4:41pm
i HATE feeling like this! i'm so confused, and angry, and hurt, and...i feel so pathetic and alone.

HOW is it so easy for him to forget me?

we go to college together and we have 3 classes.

he manages not to look at me ONCE

he manages not to care at all

how is it so easy for him to ignore me?

am i really that forgettable?

doesn't he still want me?

don't i turn him on anymore?

doesn't he ever remember one wonderful thing about me?

doesn't he remember the wonderful things about our relationship?

why doesn't he care?

i don't get it. i try so hard to ignore him and forget him, but it's hard! and i even try to talk myself into treating him the way that he treats me, but i can't. i can't bring myself to do to him what he does to me. i hate myself for letting him affect me.

i'm so hurt and so confused.

we're pleasant to eachother at school, but only because we have to be. why doesn't he try to contact me at ALL outside of school? why does he make it sound like his life is so much fun without me?

seriously, i was not bad to him at all. i made mistakes, but who doesn't? i loved him and treated him like he was the most important thing to me. he knew that he was a well loved man. why would he throw that away?

i know you all can empathize with me, and i'm sorry for venting like crazy, but it feels good.

i'm in the worst situation imaginable. his best friend hates me, and is starting all this drama, and now i have absolutely no friends, because he's turned them all against me. i even think that jon is starting to believe the lies that his friend says.

it's hard for me to keep myself busy and occupy my time when i have no friends left.

i'm more alone than i ever have been in my life, and it's so hard.

what do i do? what CAN i do? how to i get past this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
In reply to: blargleargle
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 4:56pm
I FEEL YOUR PAIN!! :(

I'm in the same situation as you are. I havent talked or seen my ex since Sept 28th. He wanted to just be friends and I tried that but finally I told him if he didnt want to be in a relationship I couldnt go on acting like I didnt love him and want to be with him. Its been 1 1/2 months since the break up and at the end of us talking he was already talking to other females when I was at his house, making plans for the weekend. I tried to prove to him I could change and I loved him. I cleaned his house, did the laundry, made dinner and he still comes home gets on the phone and asks someone else to come over to his house on the weekend. How do you forget about someone you love and act like you dont care if they are in your life or not. We were together for 4 years (besides a 2 month break up the same time last year).

The last time we broke up it was because I wanted it. I started talking to someone and I told him about it. After two months he started to talk to other girls and that made me realize I was being stupid and I wanted him back. ( I know its not the best excuse) Its just that this time I'm not talking to anyone and I have searched in my heart and realized I love him with all my heart and want a life with him. And it kills me knowing he doesnt want me at all.

I dont know if he is trying to give me a taste of my own medicine or what? Do I sit around and tell myself he will come back? I miss him so much. Im trying to get over him, but its so hard. I tried to get him back for a month and he could care less about me. Sorry to ramble it does feel better talking about it. If you need someone to talk to my email address is nessa1880@yahoo.com I dont have a computer but I check it at work. Hang in there girl! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: blargleargle
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 12:44pm
I know this is tough and there is no easy way to get through this. Your ex hasn't forgotten you.....he is just putting up his own defensive wall to make sure that he doesn't go back to the way things were....it's how some people deal. I'm sure he's hurting to.....he just won't admit it to you I'm sure. You'll get through this in time and we're here to help....so post as much as you want and feel free to vent. Good luck and keep us posted.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
In reply to: blargleargle
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 9:49pm
I've been in a similar situation before, and so has a friend of mine---you're not alone!
I know this might sound awful, but one of the best things you can do is keep busy. Go out, go to the beach, exercise, shop, or do whatever you do that will help to either clear your thoughts, or if not, at least do something that you enjoy doing. Keep in touch with friends maybe from back home (if you're away at school), or get back in to touch with someone you haven't talked to in a while. It sounds like this guy does not know what he wants, and you don't need to wait around to find out. I know that it's probably really hard not to think about your relationship, but instead of allowing this man/guy and his actions to affect YOU, take this as an opportunity to find out all the things you can do WITHOUT him.