help in understanding this
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help in understanding this
| Mon, 10-18-2004 - 11:27pm |
ok i have posted here b4 my situation is i recently broke up with my boyfriend but im in an uncomfortable situation due tot he fact that we live together and right now i have no where to go and no money to move so we decided to be 2 happy people with no title...lol...well last night he said to me 'can i ask u a question???'...and i said sure he asked me if i was happy with this situation and i asked him are you?...well of course he said answer the question are you happy with this situation i asked him of course being sarcastic what situation???.he told me us getting along...i said of course im happy we are getting along but this no title stuff i dont like he told me well it doesnt feel like we are not together because mentally we are not together but emotionally and physically we are...he also said that all this tiltle stuff like girlfriend boyfriend all that stuff was made by men until 2 people are married thats when a tile comes in he told me we are building a great friendship and someday we might get back togther and even get married and then you will have a title and he said my name with his last name but he also said if you fall in love i wont be mad because i want you to be happy...is that a bomb or what??????.....now someone make me understand isnt mentally and emotionally the same thing????....and here i am wondering what the hell is going on....does he actually believe that we are 2 people being happy with no title while i cook and do laundry for him and give him a$$....but get this im also confused on this he calls me from work everynight and when he works weekends he tells me what he is about to do if hes going to a friends house or something he calls me when hes going to work late he tells me where he is going when he goes out i dont get it is he confused does he not know what he wants???

he is getting all the perks of a wife with none of the responsibility...this is not a man..he is acting like a little boy playing house and playing with your heart.
do all you can to move out or move him out and get someone who will respect you. you sound like a very giving person but dont think for a second that doing his laundry and giving him money will make him love you..it wont
grow a backbone and stand up for what you deserve.....you will be much happier...
any man who does not know what he wants...does not deserve what he has!
good luck
Basically - YOU Have no options about living independently from him.
Cohabitation is impactive. I've been in one marriage where we "couldn't afford to split up right away" - so we decided "we're not married anymore".
And we lived together, we paid the bills becuase neither of us could afford deposits and movers.....and we had sex IF we felt like it (which was more often on his part now that there was no obligation)......but we also had the right to go out and do and be with whoever or whatever we wanted. We're weren't accountable to one another - we were just "impactive' to one another.
So I did what you're doing....I did the laundry because "it was there and it was my machine and I didn't want him using it"......and he changed the oil in the car even though I drove it because it was financed by HIS parents and until I could pay them back, they might want it back - and he didn't want to have to justify it being not in a running condition.
Basically, the guy is saying - if we could just live together and have the OPTION to do whatever or whoever we wanted - provided that we're both adult enough to realize that we all need clean clothes, and meals, and a decent living environment - I'm content to live with you, have sex...and no obligation.
You're going "why would I be happy with this" - well, if you want a relationship where there is emotional bond and thus trust and harmony - you wouldn't. If you were wanting a situation where you weren't as financially strapped while having a sex option, and a decent living environment at both of your abilities and expense - you'd be delighted, temporarily - till you could get out on your own and do it your own way.
What NEVER happens is a PERSON who's had a life of benefits, ease, convenience and comfort at the expense and effort of someone else......choosing that someone to consider equally with themselves, communicate with, meet theeir needs appropriately, and share a life partnership with.
What you're in isn't partnership - it's an "exchange" arrangement. You cook, clean, and have sex with him...he pays the bills. That leaves you both with the option to take what you "provide" in this equation into another liason. But he doesn't "want" partnership - or else he wouldn't have been with you to begin with.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com