I Fell pathetic

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
I Fell pathetic
5
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 8:27am
My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago. He told me there wasn't one real reason, but he felt we had lost a connection, and he wanted to hang out and maybe we could date later, but I couldn't deal with that and decided what I needed then was a total cut-off, as much as that hurt cause we had been friends. I feel betrayed a bit by him because instead of waiting for two weeks more, he decided to break up with me via online chat, and tried to goad me into being angry with him.

Anyways, today is my birthday and tomorrow he will be back in Korea and I just feel so sad over what could have been between us. I had been looking forward to seeing him again, and dating him, as we had been long distance all the time we knew each other (OK, I know you're probably saying it couldn't have been that serious, could it?) That's not the point though. The point is that I really wish, had he really thought of me as a friend, that he would have waited to have seen how things went between us before pulling the plug.

I blocked him on my messenger and deleted him from my messenger list. I feel this will eventually help me out, but it just hurts now, knowing that I won't be picking him up at the airport or dating him when he now lives closer to me than he did before.

Maybe I'll be back to we didn't have much in common and wow he was immature soon, but now I'm just wallowing in what could have been. :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: lakatydid
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 11:35am
YOU GO GIRL! best thing you could have ever done was omit him from your life! blocking him and ending all contact with him will make is SO much easier! Trust me, yes it hurts like hell! don't get me wrong, it sucks if you think about all the things that you won't be doing with, but you seem to be a bright girl, so keep in mind you will be doing NEW things with someone else who will treat you better and love you for everything! take this time to do things you enjoy and learn new things. Trust me It gets better, sooner then you will expect, as long as you keep moving forward and don't look back in tha past! it will only strain your neck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
In reply to: lakatydid
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 1:37pm
hey there... be gentle with yourself... of course it hurts... for all of us... but you said something very, very important... you are grieving more for what COULD have been than what WAS... if he cannot be what you need, if he can't meet your needs emotionally, physically and spiritually then you have to move forward... we all deserve more than that. You are doing the right thing to end contact... phone conversations and hanging out as friends just creates false hope and prolongs the grieving process...

surround yourself with friends, pets if you have them, and do things that YOU like to do... things you did before you met him... and maybe take a risk to try something new that you always wanted to do but have made excuses to not do... craft classes?, dancing lessons? bungee jumping? whatever it is so that you give yourself the power back to be who you are... hugs...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
In reply to: lakatydid
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 6:15am

I feel pathetic I let a typo slip by me too :D

Banditi and bikerchick, thanks so much for what you said. I think at the heart of it all I know what I am doing is right, but it's nice to hear it from others as well.

It's so strange cause (though I am speculating) I think his mind raced so far ahead where he saw himself married to me and all that (only after three months!! Jeez!) where I just wanted him around and have fun and continue to get to know him, but when he broke up with me, when I told him I needed the time away in order to BE his friend, he seemed to not understand that idea...after 2 days: "Are you ready to talk to me yet?" and then said I was actig like I *never* wanted to see him again. We're both very future oriented people, just I think he is waaaay more future oriented than I am.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: lakatydid
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 5:25pm
Welcome to the board!!! You shouldn't be the one that feels pathetic....it should be him.....he didn't have the guts to break-up with you one on one....he had to do it an online chat.....now that's pathetic!! It's normal to feel sad, and mourn the relationship. But eventually all these feelings will pass and you'll be back to your old self. The road to healing isn't a smooth one but we're here to help!! Post as often as you like...there are people here going through simillar emotions and hearing the stories and sharing advice may be benificial to you. Good luck and keep us posted!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
In reply to: lakatydid
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 12:08am
Agggghhhh...went out drinking last night. Lots of drinking. Was fine for a bit then got progressively feeling worse. Met a friend who told me to eff him, but then later on in the evening, we were both totlly drunk and at 130 am, thought it'd be a great idea for her to call him and try to have him come out to meet us, He was sleeping.I never talked to him but I can imagine he might know who gave her his new home phone number

Should I call or email him to apologize for that slip-up?

Also, lately, I've been having idea that if I just saw him one last time, and *I* got to tell *him* it was over between us, then I'd feel better. Does that seem like a good idea or is that wishful thinking? I guess I miss him a lot still. I'm trying to not wallow, felt I had made some progress, but feel I put myself somehow back at square one.