I can't stop crying
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I can't stop crying
| Thu, 10-21-2004 - 9:09am |
So it's been 2 days that I haven't spoken to my ex bf. We broke up on saturday and he was supposed to drop off my cell phone on monday. Well, on sunday we got into a fight, but then spoke again and cooled off. He called me on monday morning at work, and I kind of brushed him off both times that he called. The next day, he called while I was on lunch, and I told the girl to tell him if he called that I wasn't at work. He ended up calling while I was on lunch, and then when I was at home after work, but I didn't pick it up. He hasn't called since. He's leaving for Ottawa today for a hockey tournament and it just hurts me so much that he didn't even try calling yesterday. I know I shouldn't expect him to call but I still do. All I can think about is him, and wonder if he's talking to anyone else. I miss him so much, and it's just hard not to talk to him even though all we did was fight. How do I get rid of this empty feeling? I tried to go out last night with a friend, and I couldn't even think of other guys. As much as I know the relationship was bad, I still miss him. And I can't help but wonder if he'll ever try to call me again.

Look - if you didn't get your phone back - write it off as a loss - and CANCEL THAT PHONE NUMBER AND CALL PLAN!
Then realize - you're talking about someone who uses drugs to escape self-negativity and real life.
I know, i know....you were trying to save him from himself, you were the best thing that ever happened to him and you don't know why he didn't appreciate you.....all screams GET TO AL-ANON - you're an enabler and you're never going to be "happy" unless you're enmeshed in self-destructive chaos trying to "save someone from themselves -- so that you'll have identity and security and a "goal"".
Take it from someone 8 years in recovery....there is no way that anybody can like, love, appreciate, respect, admire, trust, or accept you - more than they do that for themselves at the fundamental level. Anybody using drugs to escape themselves - loathes, resents, fears, and despises themselves and they use relationship interaction like drugs - a quick pick me up ego boost so that "I like myself etter termporarily via your attention and options i get as a result of affiliation".
If you don't get to Al-Anon and resolve your lack of self-esteem and self-acceptance....that is the ONLY type of relationships you're ever going to have. It'll be people who loathe themselves and you - using the benefits and options that you offer them to temporarily alleviate their self-negativity - at your expense.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
I completely agree with quickblade. Please get some help.
You will be ok if you want to be ok.
God Bless!
Well, I went to see a psychotherapist referred to me by my doctor. It felt a little better to have an unbiased opinion from someone who's completely on the outside. It's still hard whenever I'm alone with my own thoughts running through my mind.
I also went to go pick up my cell phone from his house last night. He was gone in Ottawa for the weekend, so I went over to pick it up from his sister. It was really hard being in the house, everything reminding me of him. We talked for a while, and she's always been on my side because she knows her brother is a little unstable.