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| Thu, 10-21-2004 - 11:45am |
So when a man tells you he wants to be friends after four year realationship what does that really mean? Is that a way to let someone go without feeling like they dropped you at the door? And how long does it take a man to realize what they really lost? The last question is really what I was wondering about. I know I'm not going to be friends with my ex but I just want to know when he will go through the pain I'm going through.
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| Thu, 10-21-2004 - 1:09pm |
(((Nessa))) There is no surefire way to know what your ex was and is thinking. I do think that alot of guys say "lets be friends" as a way to let you down easy but I have had a few guys that really meant it. Of course you can't be expected to just go from loving someone to being just a good friend with a snap of their fingers. Going back to just a friendship takes time and hard work. My ex and I went through this and we actually decided to have no contact until we were both over the other and then picked our friendship up later.....I couldn't imagine him not being in my life right now. But granted, I know that doesn't work for everyone and alot of people can't be friends with there ex, and that's fine to. I would really reccomend no contact either way though. Some guys takes a long time to realize what they've lost, some realize it very quickly and others never realize it....it just depends on the guy. I'm sure the break-up hurt your ex also....he'll probably never admit it to you......but I'm sure it wasn't easy for him. Anyway, I hope you're doing ok with all this and we're here whenever you need to talk.....

| Thu, 10-21-2004 - 9:48pm |
After a four year relationship? You can be friends after you both healed. Not right away. Its literally impossible to do that because your not ready to hear about his other girlfriends and hes not ready to hear about your dates as well. You might be able to call him from time to time and talk small talk however not until you are ready. When somebody tells you they want to be friends after a breakup, its not to let themselves or you off the hook easily- its because they still have deep feelings for you and its only right however, what we all forget to leave out is that you cant go from Z to A in the relationship context. You already experienced A to Z with him and now your forced to go back to A. ( meaning- youve already been through the whole alphebete with him and now he wants to go back to the beginning of the alphebete) Kind of a crazy way of putting it but love is crazy too. You just need time to heal before being friends. You go over now and hang out like old friends you will start noticing his house rearranged, things that remind you of your relationship, not placed in the right spots- hurtful and painful for anyone to place themselves into. So take a time out for yourself, I know it hurts, however time away from him is the best and he should understand- ( he will understand) hope things get better for you! stacy
